Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 11/26/05

French Attempt to Reenact Trafalgar
By, Grey Events

Some might call it moronic, others might say it was a waste of time and money, still others claim it is the single most ineffective exercise in historical reinvention since China claimed that Tibet invited them in for a tea party and that they’re just too embarrassed to leave until they’ve paid the bill for dessert.
Anyone calling it smart or interesting has to be on the wildest drugs in existence and needs to share with the rest of us
The French, looking for a morale booster after riots that highlighted the long hidden social issues within their nation and resulted in what is now going to be a record high year of surrenders – to themselves no less – have decided that the best thing to do would be to refight the Napoleonic naval battle at Trafalgar and win this time.
The world reaction is best summed up as “WTF?”, nowhere more so than in England itself, where the British Navy’s official reaction was “why bother”.
This indicates that French hopes that Lord Nelson could somehow be present and be defeated are going to come to naught.
The average French citizen on the street is not much more enthusiastic. This appears to be yet another hairbrained government scheme to shift attention away from failing policies by focusing on military endeavors, just like that thing in Antarctica no one wants to talk about.
Nevertheless preparations continue in French harbors as the navy stages exercises and drills to prepare for battle.
Special preparations include the dying of anything that could remotely be used as a flag red or green, the provision of just enough fuel to get out there but not back to ensure no retreat, and various vicious threats at all officers of captain rank and higher which the French government has largely denied, stating that everyone there was Friends.
Though the French are determined to win this time there are a number of difficulties that Paris seems to be ignoring.
The first major stumbling block is their allies, the Spanish.
The original battle contained a reluctant Spanish fleet fighting alongside the French when they would have preferred to be fighting against the French.
This time around the Spanish are even more reluctant, and are thoroughly confused as to why they are mobilizing their fleet at all.
Another problem is that the British still maintain one of the finest navies in the world, easily beating anything up to three continental European navies can field. Adding to this is that they know exactly what is going to happen, as the French are sure the same tactics will work this time.
Of course these are minor compared to the main issue: What exactly would the French do if they won?
While it’s hardly a plausible outcome French victory must be considered, and the possibility of further aggression consisting of one element of the EU warring with another element could be disastrous.
But what are we thinking, it’s the French.