Past Opinion Articles

Article for the week of 6/30/05

Clone Craze Collapsing
By, Grey Entertainment

With the popularity of twin starlets Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen beginning to wane, as one nosedives into anorexia and the other into the darker territory of infomercials, so too does the recent spat of cloning amongst celebrities.
With the Olsen Twins raking in money through lucrative merchandising and a never-ending stream of TV movies others have attempted to horn in on the action with mixed results.
While as little as ten years ago the idea of two Anna Nichole Smiths might not have sounded like such a bad thing experience has spoiled the surprise, just as that voice in stereo surround sound has ruined many an eardrum.
Likewise twin Nicole Kidmans is very pleasing to the eye, however it is rumored that this was what spurred Tom Cruise into his swift marriage proposal to Katie Holmes. This speculation is further strengthened by rumors that the prenuptial agreement specifies that she will never undergo any cloning or other space age, science fictiony treatment, especially if it has featured in more than one episode of Star Trek.
Surprisingly the cloning of Robert Deniro has been relatively well received, unlike most other actors, such as Robin Williams, this desperate attempt to follow in the footsteps of the Olsen Twins has not included dressing up like teenage girls.
Whether a success or failure on an individual basis the only consistent factor between these clonings is that the overall change has been lackluster. Very few careers have improved simply because two of most people, even celebrities, is not that impressive.
Thankfully we only have one pouting Paris Hilton after her attempt at cloning was blocked by a US Supreme court ruling.
And so as quickly as it started the celebrity cloning game has collapsed upon itself, leaving nothing but a few easier targets for paparazzi photographers and drooling fans. Stalkers are said to be upset, as they can no longer tell which is the original fixation for their fantasies. Indeed, not even the celebrities in question or their mad scientists can answer that question satisfactorily.
The primary manufacturer of clones, George Lucas, could not be happier with this turn of events, claiming, “These wackos have turned one movie title into a horrible joke”.
Apparently no one has told George that he turned it into a horrible joke by making the movie.
In the meantime Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen are claiming a victory for their fresh originality, which the plan to follow up with several CDs of music, filling each genre with their voices.
Nashville has already imploded rather than allow this to happen and Sony is preparing to detonate every CD it has ever produced rather than allowing this to happen.
As a last resort the Double Dixie Chix have been recalled from maneuvers and armed with sharp sticks and the idea that it’s the combination of politics and the Olsen Twins fault that their careers is faltering.