Last week's News

News article for the week of 4/17/05.

Papal Candidates Without a Hope
Grey Politics

After Pope John Paul II death it seems crude and callous to focus on things such as the politics behind choosing a new Pope. However this is the world of politics, taste should be left at the door.
Among the many issues are the eventual Pope’s ethnic origins. With South and Central America now including the most heavily Catholic populations, the possibility of a Latin or Black Pope has never been greater.
Even there however those, even among Latin populations, who would prefer a European Pope, as a sign of a return to a more traditional, stronger Catholic church. Some point to John Paul II tenure as speaking well for a non-Italian Pope, though most state that returning the Papacy to an Italian could potentially send a strong message.
Rumours of an American Pope appear to be just that, however. Owing to the current climate of scandal and the continued weakening of the Catholic Church within North America it is highly unlikely that any future Papal candidates will come from that area of the world and be taken seriously.
However never let it be said that Americans will let reality stand in the way of what they want.
A stunning array of candidates from the US and Canada have stepped forward, offering themselves for the position for numerous reasons, even though no American has made it further than the top twenty candidates.
Ralph Nader, perpetual Third Party Candidate from American Politics has offered himself, claiming to be a lifelong Catholic of devout faith.
That he is not an ordained priest, let alone of sufficient rank has not stopped Nader from throwing his hat into the ring, claiming that there should be absolutely no discrimination in this election that shall never allow a woman to assume the post.
For many the same reasons Ross Perot has decided to attempt to become Pope. However whereas Nader is relying on politics and ideals, such as the idea that not being Catholic should not bar anyone from becoming Pope, Perot has chosen a different path, one wherein money will be the deciding factor.
Analysts state that this is a flawed strategy, as the Catholic Church still maintains more than adequate funding.
Adding to the confusion is Eddie Murphy, continuing a trend since he was seriously considered as the first Black James Bond, he is now attempting to be elected Pope on much the same platform.
Analysts predict that compared to the others he actually has a serious chance of winning, since his record of acting, swearing and occasional mockery of anyone wearing a wimple makes him a fare more credible candidate. After all, Nader and Perot have done much worse in the recent past.

 Really Pathetic Productions 2005 ©