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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 1/16/10. Kringle Details Extra
Coal to World Leaders In what has been called the biggest international political shame out since President Roosevelt shook his head sadly at Joseph Stalin and Winston Churchill’s late night drinking shenanigans Santa Claus has revealed that his recent bulk ordering of an extra load of coal was primarily for world leaders. Having successfully commented on politics by demonstration in the past, such as his “dive bombing curry fed reindeer” incident on George W Bush during Thanksgiving ’05, Santa Claus intends to make this sort of thing a regular part of his character. Some have criticised this as a cheap move to maintain relevance in an increasingly cynical and technologically savvy world, where a fat man riding a sleigh pulled by reindeer and committing billions of acts of breaking and entering isn’t so much fantastic as just plain creepy. Spokeselves for Santa have reiterated that coal in the stockings of bad boys and girls has always been an element of his performance. All the same the list of world leaders reads like a public indictment rather than a naughty list. While the likes of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi long suspected of corruption and well known for philandering, and Robert Mugabe for his recent candy stealing attempts, are not surprising, the presence of the rather mild Prime Minister John Key from New Zealand and Tarzan Lord of the Apes, typically thought of as a hero for all the crudeness he displays, are something of a surprise. That Barak Obama and Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd are on “warnings” seems to indicate that they too will receive coal depending upon their actions at the Copenhagen environmental summit rather than because of anything they have already done, a clear attempt to interfere politically if true. This is arguably what has happened with the Obama Nobel Peace Prize, a possible sign that Santa is not above stealing ideas while he’s at it. And still there is some useful information in the list. For example Kim Jong-Il, reclusive president of North Korea and part time genocidal butcher, is not on the list, indicating that he has in all likelihood died or become permanently incapacitated, since it is well known that he cannot sleep without at least throwing a cat into a river. Likewise Fidel Castro has made the list, apparently for something involving cuss words, once again providing evidence that he may well be immortal. What is Christmas really celebrating? By Don Hellion As a student of history and religion I have often wondered what Christmas really is. It’s claimed to be a celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Just one little problem, if you read the various accounts in the Bible they state that the shepherds were in the fields with their flocks. If you know about the climate in that region then you know that during December the weather is NASTY, cold and rainy. During December the flocks and their shepherds are undercover, NOT in the fields. Clearly if you read the biblical accounts, it’s clear that December could not be when He was born because the weather is all wrong. So why are we celebrating in December then? Well, it seems that around the Third or Fourth Century CE the Roman gods were all the rage and the Christians of that period decided they needed to party too. So they took the Saturnalia festival declared that Jesus was born then to and used it as an excuse to party with the Romans. Of course we have not worshiped the old Roman gods in over a millennia. So why are we having this huge party now? I was pondering that while watching TV and seeing all the ads and listening to the commentaries about how important it is to buy lots of gifts and that if you don’t spend lots of money you are a failure. After the barrage of advertising imploring you to shop and all the news people talking about how important it is to give the right gift and how you fail if you don’t spend a fortune, I came to a realization of what Christmas is all about today. It’s all about spending money! All the stuff they tell us about Christmas is just window dressing the
REAL reason for the season is to SPEND! Not only on presents but also
on decorations and lighting and music. You don’t think so? Just watch
the TV and listen to the radio or for that matter read the few newspaper
that still exist and check the Internet. There is more talk and discussion
about the spending than everything else put together. Think about it Jesus
gets little more than lip service and nobody even remembers the ancient
pagan gods. But the money and the gifts…EVERYBODY is concerned about THAT
You know what the X in X-Mass stands for? It’s excess.
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