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News article for the week of 10/31/09.

Classic monsters weigh in on the American Health Care debate
By, Cozmic

The great health care debate, the argument of whether people should actually get health care or not depending on whether not they're filthy stinking rich. You could be insured, of course, but how much does that cover, really?
This at least seems to be the opinion of several monsters, who, as much as we know and like these people, or at least like to brandish pitchforks and torches at them. But the American health care system is hard on you when you are a monster, and not only because the prescription to almost everything seems to be fire, and lots of it. Take Dracula for instance. Being a rich aristocrat is of course useful, you can bribe off anyone who claims you murdered some poor young woman who actually seemed to like the fact you drained her of blood, but sometimes you just want to order something simpler, and blood transfusions are expensive things, and the reliance on these since Dracula's great reform in 1997 makes the Count uninsurable according to every single insurance company. Sure, he can afford to pay, but he doesn't want to, especially in this economic climate , where all his stocks seem to drop and times are tight even for ancient nobility.
Another victim of the health care system is Larry Talbot, otherwise known as “the Wolf Man, ” whose bout with lycanthropy has reached historic proportions, and yet the closest anyone has even bothered to talk about curing Talbot is by poisoning him with silver, to which he's allergic! Talbot says this is a severe outrage and mainly just feels like some sick joke, and that obviously it is not his fault if hospitals who pull said joke seem to run low on doctors after a mysterious outbreak of the deadly eaten-by-wolves-disease. These things just seem to sort of happen.
Of course, a guy who says the system works great, aside from everyone wanting to harvest their organs back from him, is Frankenstein's monster. Doctors are always on the hunt for organs, and this is a good thing, says the monster, who admittedly finds it rather bothersome everyone seems to want the organs in him, as well as the fact they seem to want to remove the organ of choice with a pitchfork. Highly annoying.
Either way you deal with it, whether health care should be free or not, all monsters asked, even the creature from the Black Lagoon, who we after much trouble were finally able to track down, seemed to agree on one thing: there is an awful lot of prejudice in the health care system, affecting everyone with a strange condition and possibly a taste for human flesh in a very negative way. Being rejected treatment simply because you are slightly hairy and howl at the moon a lot, or hang out in a lagoon all the time, is probably even worse than being rejected treatment because you are poor or uninsured, although really, what insurance company covers silver-injections anyway?
And now for a bonus Halloween Stick by Puns McKenna


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