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News article for the week of 9/23/09.

Straight From Nevada

Pirate's Code:This week on People's Court
By, Puns McKenna

-Dateline Wednesday, September 23rd

Outside a courthouse in Tortuga, Spain reporters interviewed the participants in the ground breaking case, Old World Pirates .vs Modern Pirates. As many people know, pirates are a law unto themselves, but even they must stick to a code. This stunning turn of events was brought about when Davy Jones sent the illustrious captains, Barbarossa, Kidd, and Butler to bring formal charges against several men calling themselves pirates. The premise of the case they have presented to the tribunal is simple. The modern pirates are being accused of breaking the pirate's code.

According to history, pirates came to an accord on a set of simple standards, which every man calling himself a pirate must follow. This set of standards became known as the Pirate's code, and all who disobeyed it were punished without fail. Most were marooned on deserted islands, as there were many at the time. However, today there are other societal standards to consider; standards to which modern pirates seem not to adhere. Today men that call themselves pirates work outside any laws. They are ruthless, undisciplined scalawags that follow only the code of eat or be eaten.

This approach on piracy has caught the eye of Davy Jones, the "Devil of the Deep", and is being addressed according to today's standards of law. According to my sources, this may not be the only way in which the issue will be addressed, however. If the case does not conclude favorably to Jones' point of view, then he and his long dead minions may take the laws into their own hands. As everyone knows, the "Devil of the Deep" rules his domain with a firm but fair hand. In the days of early privateering or piracy, if you will, men sailed the seas to rob from the unjust.

They were by all descriptions, "Robin Hood's of the Sea". There were many that gave them a bad name, Blackbeard, Calico Jack just to name a couple, but these were by no means the norm. Many of these men and women were just, law-abiding citizens that were fed up with the way their people were being repressed. The prosecution's witnesses have given testimony citing these facts, however, no progress is being made in the case at this time. It is only day one of the case. There will be much more testimony on behalf of the Old World Pirates and the Modern Pirates to come, so we can only wait and watch.

One has to wonder if the codes of then will continue to apply to now in the eyes of societal law, however, it has been plainly stated by Captain Barbarossa, "The laws of the sea… the code of a pirate… will never change. Davy Jones be a fair man, but he stands no mutiny. If ye see a ghostly ship with tattered sails that cuts through the ocean depths on yer horizon, be ye warned. Dead men tell no tales."

Infomercial Scam Broadcast

By Grey News (As featured on the RPP Video Update)

As an increasing wave of internet scams hit the inboxes of emails around the world the original electronic annoyance is hitting back.
Infomercials, scourge of audio visual entertainment, are hitting back at every online scam in existence for stealing their bit.
Where once lonely losers would tune in to TV and order something for not 59.99, not 49.99 but for the next five minutes only 25.99, just so they could hear a human voice, people now engage online scammers for the ongoing internet communications.
As a result the major Infomercial producers are preparing to invade Nigeria, the mythical source of all internet scams.
The actual nation of Nigeria is somewhat worried about this, as the invasion will not consist of soldiers or mercenaries, but of the most enthusiastic Infomercial studio audiences.
Suicide pills and free sets of steak knives are being prepared.

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