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News article for the week of 8/29/09.

Man on the Street Unconvinced by Economic Smiley Face
By, Grey Business

Proclamations from governments, businesses, economic bodies, talismanic shamanist prophets and little green beetles that form words with their bodies were once thought to be part of the key for economic recovery, improving the moral of the average citizen and encouraging prosperity.
Studies now show that by and large most people don’t pay the least bit of attention to anything anyone else says about the economy anymore.
Analysts are blaming this trend for the latest economic slowdown pattern, just as they considered the improved consumer mood to be beneficial.
Evidence of this malaise can be seen in the general reaction to positive news.
When Barak Obama announced a complete turnaround and recovery in the US washing machine industry the entire state of Georgia yawned.
Gordon Brown, Prime Minister of Britain, stood side by side with his French counterpart and announced a new trading scheme that would lower greenhouse gas emissions, increase productivity in the agricultural and reality TV sectors, and put a dent in obesity statistics and this led to viewing of popular children’s programming dropping by seventeen percent.
The lack of interest can be traced to an attitude of “get it over with already”.
After so much encouraging news people are tired of being reminded that the world is mired in economic quicksand and just want the whole financial mess to be over with. Either into a renewed age of prosperity of stable neutrality, anything except doom and gloom would be appreciated.
Communists claim that they have the final, definitive answer, but that’s what they said about Jar Jar Binks and that didn’t work in the slightest.
Business news shows are reporting a drop in viewing numbers, internet economics sites have far fewer hits, smoke signals are being doused on sight and carrier pigeons possessing business news are being released rather than captured and eaten after having their messages read.
Ironically this had caused a general downturn in the fortunes of the media, with a number of news outlets stating that they will soon be forced to shut up shop because of a lack of funds, and are beginning to look for government handouts to continue.
This has only intensified the disinterest of the general population, so much so that the environment is once again becoming a concern. If however Greenpeace over do themselves again it is thought that the next big ticket news item will be the colour of men’s slacks and how it relates to the declining use of the word “biscuit”.
Bernie Madoff Prison Scam Broadcast

By Grey News (As featured on the RPP Video Update)

Not one to let a little thing like incarceration get in the way of profit, former billionaire shyster Bernie Madoff has managed to turn his prison stint, which could last well beyond his life expectancy, into a money spinner.
Madoff has initiated a sentence trading program, wherein convicts can trade years of their sentence to someone else in exchange for money.
Those doing a life sentence or, like Madoff, is expected to die in prison before achieving parole, are accepting additional years from other prisoner’s sentences, with an average fee of $250 per year, with a $50 service charge.
Few inmates realise that this practice is totally illegal and will not be honoured by any state.
Madoff is apparently well aware of this and the potential consequences, however he is optimistic as he can realise multiple profits repeatedly for years, and can only be shanked to death once.


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