|
|
Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 2/13/09. Westminster Dog Wisdom Welcomed In Tough Economy By Grey Business The times are tough all around the world, and with most people feeling stung by financial experts, betrayed even by those supposedly in tune with the economic tide, the general public is seeking advice from some unusual quarters. Numerologists, soothsayers, fortune tellers, and hand wavers are all reporting massive increases in business, even though the advice they offer is little different from financial advisers or accountants. Indeed an old gypsy woman said that the best option was a diverse stock portfolio and patience to weather the storm. Under these circumstances it is somewhat understandable that even pets are being consulted. The average cat possesses a modicum of financial acumen, however this is one area in which dogs definitely shine over their feline foes. And who better to consult than the champion grade dogs of the Westminster Kennel Club. Three puffed up poodles expressed their opinions by running around in a counter clockwise circle for three minutes and twenty seconds, expressing the belief that the technology sector will rebound first. Japanese and German markets have experienced a slight increase in confidence upon hearing this, however US tech markets failed to pick up on this news. The afghan hounds are in dispute over the housing market, several tried to catch their tails, indicating a continued fall in property values, others stood and panted, which means that sales will fall even though prices may level off. This newfound confidence in the Westminster dogs is, in the opinion of many observers and dog enthusiasts, long overdue. Uno, the first beagle to win the Westminster contests was quoted in mid 2008, mere months before the financial crisis struck, as saying “Woof, woof, woof-woof-woof, bark.” At the time Bush administration officials dismissed this as the rambling of an amateur dog in a field of professional wolves, however these statements proved to be highly prophetic. Indeed the Obama administration, in a continuing tradition of utterly and unforgivingly ignoring and rejecting everything about the Bush years from torture to paisley curtains in the Oval Office Bathroom to Pantsless Thursdays, has adopted Uno’s economic wisdom for what it is. There is even talk that the Obama children will receive one of Uno’s siblings as their pet dog. Critics claim that it is a sign of the dire situation that the advice of dogs is being actively sought. However these critics have not possessed the clairvoyance of a pair of schnauzers that advised GM and Ford months in advance of the troubles and are credited with saving those two companies from the troubles that now wrack Chrysler. It should be noted that this is not the cue to hunt out financial advice from cute, fluffy, wet nosed animals in general, as the recent conviction of a Dalmatian/golden retriever cross for insider trading should prove. |
|
Really Pathetic Productions 1997-2009© Menu Bar By, Albatross |