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News article for the week of 9/18/08.

John McCain’s Garbage Searchers Come Clean. Sort Of
By Grey Politics

Political muckraking is considered by many to be the darkest, dirtiest, least respectable art short of America’s Got Talent and despite pleas from both candidates the latest US Election looks like it’s going to be more of the same and then some.
While far more much has been thrown at Obama, because of his strident calls for a clean fight the muck thrown at his Republican opponents tends to have significant blowback.
Worse yet Obama is not as active in his political dirt digging as McCain, much of the problem stems from supporters trying to fight fire with fire.
Not that they have much of a change, the McCain/Palin team has assembled a formidable team of investigators that has turned up such titbits as Barak Obama’s Amish summer, shaking the hand of Saddam MacFarlane - the mad haggis maker of Hong Kong, and even the fact that Obama’s right foot is one quarter a shoe size smaller than his left.
The team assembled is truly formidable, former British tabloid journalists, French ex-paparazzi, and German shoe sniffers. Which explains why they know so much about Obama’s subpar bowling average during March 2004.
With a group like this one would expect that they would operate with few specific orders, given wide latitude to operate according to their own effective methods.
Elements of the team seem to have leaked information revealing that they are but humble students to the grand muck raking master McCain and the lesser though still potent rumour monger Palin.
Sifting through an opponent’s garbage is nothing new in political circles, its how everyone found out Bob Dole was on Viagra, Ronald Regan was a McDonald’s junkie and that Richard Nixon was tainting the drinking water of one specific apartment building in Miami because a severed pigs head told him to.
McCain ordered something more. In the words of one former British journalist, someone who once disguised himself as one of Queen Elizabeth’s corgis, “He had us tasting the lining of a dumpster with our eyes! Naturally we objected, pointing out that it was physically impossible. McCain didn’t want to hear it. I’ll never forget the sight of those flavours for as long as I blink.”
While the public generally dislikes excessive actions such as this, even if it does reveal Barak Obama’s wife has a vicious Pepsi habit, it is mending bridges within the Republican party, who see this as a sign that McCain will give his full support to the War on Terror, supporting the intelligence apparatus of the US and even better still, using foreign nationals to do all the dirty work.
Some of these same people feel sure it will reveal some devastating truth about Barak Obama, such as his really being a Muslim, Communist, or Moleperson with a Harry Potter fixation.
Most are just hoping for the more realistic flamboyantly gay uncle.

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