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Last week's NewsNews article for the week of 11/19/07. GPS System The Latest Step In Global
Domination Though the topic of this article may seem like something more akin to Grey Xphile however unlike that poor unfortunate’s contribution this piece is rational, well thought out and backed up by more than the thought “What would Mulder do?” For quite some time now the Global Positioning System, a network of US operated satellites that can provide centimetre accurate longitude and latitude position has been made freely available to the global public for the purpose of civilian navigation with possible lost keys applications, and is now used on many naval vessels, cars and globe trotters to place their location and find their destination. Now it appears that it is going to be a tool of global domination. Global conquest has been dying out as a popular national endeavour ever since they stopped giving out gold plated awards and the sudoku craze began to drain violent ambitions from the world. However it turns out that someone has chosen a subtler means to control the world. Plans have been unearthed outlining steps centred on the GPS system that would allow a person to control the world, covertly or overtly, by manipulating the locator system. Apparently by guiding people around certain locations, away from certain destinations, along certain routs it would be possible to amass a fortune by constantly guiding people to carefully selected retail outlets, blockade areas by ensuring that freight never reaches it’s intended destination, divert any officials seeking to investigate – literally! Precisely who is behind this is unknown. As the GPS network is a US system suspicion naturally falls upon the Bush administration. Since this scheme is one of brilliant cunning, crafty subtlety and dogged surefootedness many suspect it to be someone else entirely. A private concern could be behind this, the likes of Bill Gates, Ted Turner, Rupert Murdoch or Oprah Winfrey, all rich beyond reckoning, with contacts ranging from the mundane to the celebrity and with known access to all sorts of technology none are above suspicion. While Gates lacks the intellect, Turner lacks charisma, Rupert Murdoch lacks subtlety and Oprah Winfrey has those dark, soulless eyes, each has enough resources to pull it off. Finally outside elements are also a possibility. The European Union, feebly trying to launch it’s own competing system (dogged by political backbiting, the belief that it is nothing but an attempt at technological independence and the presence of Italy) is a strong possibility were it not for the fact that Europe hasn’t taken an aggressive step ever since France suggested war with Iran, got snarled at and scurried away to hide behind Germany’s skirts. Germany is still trying to live down that particular embarrassment. The Chinese are also suspect, their computer hacking, suspect business dealings and a mild tendency towards despotism make them likely candidates, as does a tendency to smile when frowns have been the traditional facial expression. Of course they also prefer shooting satellites and such a drastic change of tactics is out of character. While the GPS system is suspect it is recommended that people look for particular columns of smoke to avoid the embarrassment of using a map or even asking directions. |
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