Last week's News

News article for the week of 8/14/07.

Rumble in the Arctic: Trouble Brewing.
By, Grey News

The recent Russian move to plant a flag under the Arctic ice cap and claim, theoretically, the natural resources therein have sparked an international outcry from environmental groups that see this as the start next great pillage and nations who see this as cheap exploitation of an international zone, and want a piece of the action for themselves.
Citing that they have the longest single arctic border in the world Russia has claimed that if any nation should dominate and thus benefit from arctic resources it should be they, especially as they were the first to plant a flag.
In turn many other nations have cited that the planting of an American flag on the moon doesn’t automatically make that celestial body the property of the USA. The Bush administration is consulting with lawyers on this point.
Stepping into a mediator role, an unusual course of action as it is a course of action, the UN has announced that there shall be a race to the arctic open to all nations, though only those with actual borders with this northern realm are being taken seriously.
The race shall be consist of a set number of laps from the nation’s northernmost city to the geographical centre of the arctic and back. Points will be awarded for speed, environmental impact or lack thereof and style.
The main contenders are Russia, of course, Canada, Sweden, Norway and Finland, with the US and Iceland being seen as the freak contestants.
These nations all have northern cites, technology and experience in faking grace. Odds on favourites are Russia and Norway, the former because they have already managed it and the latter because they haven’t done anything for a while and this could be their time to shine.
In individual categories Sweden is favourite in the grace category having contracted French assistance to style their outfits and can already claim to have the snazziest beret.
Then there are the out and out mascot entries from nations that are not expected to win, their entry adding an air of legitimacy to the “open” contest for domination of the north’s riches.
Argentina, Kenya, Samoa and New Zealand are all seen as good little nations that can compete without threatening the big boys simply because their northernmost cities are further away than the southern edges of the major competing nations.
New Zealand, with its solid experience in Antarctica, is seen as a nation that could put on a good show with their southern nature being the only drawback.
On the other hand no one knows how or why Samoa and Kenya are competing. Jamaica, if it had thrown its hat in, would have been taken more seriously.
When questioned about this matter Jamaica claimed that it was more than a novelty country entering into winter sports willy-nilly to satisfy international entertainment.
Argentina has stated that it is more than willing to pick up the torch and become the world’s gay friend (sports) if it means a little bit of attention.

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