Last week's News

News article for the week of 5/31/07.

War Brewing in Florida
By, Grey News

Tension is brewing in America’s Wang tonight as two rival organisations vie for dominance in the state of Florida.
One of the many little wars that have slipped in under the radar of public attention as Iraq looms heavy overhead is a onetime small dispute between the mighty Disney Corporation and the sly Dole Company. The former a giant in entertainment and bacteriological warfare, the latter a “mere” fruit company specialising in pineapples, bananas and cows, at least in those countries where bananas are considered fruit.
This was not something a long time in coming, nor was it something that started over something small, it started over a mouse.
For years Disney lawyers and lobbyists have fiddled with copyright laws so the corporation could maintain exclusive control over Mickey Mouse long after the death of creator and founder Walt Disney. This bit of legal hackery has had many far reaching implications, however no one was really willing to fight over it until Dole released a brief internet promotional using bananas and pineapples to produce a fruit silhouette of ol’ Big Ears.
What followed was not a war of words, Disney decided that this was one battle lawyers could not win, a complete departure from standard Disney practice and possibly boding well for the future as litigation is reduced.
It started at a pineapple assembly yard, over fifty thousand pineapples were reduced to sweet gooey chunks as members of the elite Goofy Commando Company struck in the middle of the night.
Next the 1st, 7th and 9th Disney Infantry Divisions (Mickey, Morty and Ferdi Divisions) were mobilised to secure key Disney assets while the 2nd, 4th and 5th air wings (Huey, Dewey and Louie) were scrambled to hit Dole assets in the Caribbean.
Though caught flatfooted the fruit company managed to salvage it’s operations, turning back the air forces with sustained anti aircraft fire from its banana trees.
Though these represent stunning initial victories analysts’ state that this is far from the swift, decisive battle Disney had planned for, and the company may not have what it takes to win a long war even though they possess a larger, better equipped force.
Armed with pineapple grenades and banana guns, ironically the same sort popularised by Warner Brothers cartoons and Pulp Fiction, Dole can out produce Disney in the long run provided they can preserve their manpower, a distinct possibility considering their canning technology.
In the meantime, all but forgotten are the inhabitants of Florida. Hurricanes, Castro, Presidential election result controversy, looking like an otherwise unspeakable piece of human anatomy, there is only so much punishment a single state can take before it snaps.
Whether smothered in pineapple syrup or coated in sticky Disney merchandise and gun down for having one in the wrong territory it is unknown how much more the weary Florida citizens can take before they simply give up and let Arizona become the retirement state.
Whatever the outcome Blizzard plans on turning the event into a MMORPG.

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