Last week's News

News article for the week of 10/30/06.

The Search for Atlantis XI:

They Are Not Kidding Me

(Continued from episode 10)

By, Grey Exploration

The evidence is back. And I’m mighty peeved.
Before I get started please understand that I am the only one in the entire party who is the slightest bit annoyed by the latest turn of events.
Our source of funds is quite happy to discover this is not Atlantis because he has enough money to fund twice as many hair brained schemes as he has running and enjoys the simple pleasure of watching people run around under his dominion. His dominion being anything he’s throwing money at.
Bastard.
The science geeks, Trekkies to the last, are overjoyed by what’s happened. More on that later.
And the poor slobs who have been dragged around the world to perform to all the manual labour don’t mind, this thing has been like a working holiday. Two days of shifting crates, moving equipment, driving cars, vans, boats, planes, some sort of loader thingy like the one from “Aliens” followed by five days of doing whatever they want in whichever exotic location happens to be nearby. And right now that means anywhere in the Mediterranean.
Me? I could have run around with the teamsters, I could have sat and gotten drunk off my ass with Mister Moneybags. Hell he even invited to me to join him, but no, I had to be the one with a dedication to my job, the one who saw work to be done.
Journalistic integrity I told myself.
Last time I said that one way or another this was the discovery of the century, even if it turned out not to be Atlantis.
Boy was I wrong.
After several weeks worth of work we have found that this is not Atlantis, proof being the superglue holding everything together, and the large sections of paper mache which includes a section of discarded tickets to “Hellsing”.
Large murals and mosaics cover the largest structures. One depicts Captain Kirk with a torn shirt, another shows Captain Kirk battling Klingons (the orange skinned original series versions not the ones with the bumpy foreheads that I personally prefer and no I don’t care what the geeks figuring this stuff out think), yet another shows Captain Kirk heroically battling Tribbles. One goes as far depicting Captain Kirk wearing a Tribble as a hairpiece, while another shows Captain Picard with a hairpiece.
While in all fairness the detail and craftsmanship is excellent, the evidence is overwhelming, this is not the lost city of Atlantis.
What we have found is in fact a diorama that fell overboard, and was built by another group of Trekkies funded by a bored rich person.
A little background checking has turned up some interesting facts. A few years ago Richard Branson, billionaire smiler and all around bastard had been in the area doing the exact same thing we did with his own team of Trekkies. Only they never found anything and built the diorama, this massive three kilometre square diorama, to alleviate their boredom.
I don’t care that it’s an impressive feat on it’s own!
That it sank is no surprise, that the Morelocks squatting here lied is. Apparently this was a prime piece of real estate, the only submerged city worth inhabiting in the whole Mediterranean.
I want to spit.