Last week's News

News article for the week of 10/20/06.

Microsoft Denies Collusion To Turn Children Into Soldiers
By, Grey Technology

Bill Gates faced a hostile press today, not that there’s anything unusual in that, as he tried to defend his company against allegations that the latest games being released for the Xbox 360 are little more than military fantasies designed either to turn the players into emotionless killing machines or assassins who automatically see certain peoples as innately hostile, and deserving only of death.
Gates contends, as do the majority of computer game producers, that the games reflect the tastes of the players themselves, and that the production of games simulating World Wars, zombie attacks, alien invasion and even gangsta style shootings, is nothing more than the result of market forces.
Parental groups see this as a hollow excuse to make money off of the baser instincts of people who do not know any better.
However Bill Gates points out that, given the recent spate of shootings in schools, there has been no move by government forces to regulate what Microsoft and it’s contemporaries are producing.
Critics claim this is a matter of convenience, that the instant soldiers that are produced using these games are beneficial to the governments of the world.
US, European and Asian governments have repeatedly denied this claim.
Spokespeople for the Bush administration have stated emphatically that they have nothing to do with the manufacture of video games, preferring to stick to well established ventures such as oil, tobacco and guns. None of which benefit from the increase sale of little plastic boxes that draw users in with addictive influence and simulate violence that is difficult to replicate outside of a war zone.
Rumours that the highly anticipated upcoming Halo 3 computer game will feature enemies that heavily resemble Al Gore has been brushed off by White House sources as “just rumours”, by Microsoft as “pure coincidence” and by Hilary Clinton as “Unfortunate, but does she really matter in the long run anyway?”
Sensationalist crackpot Michael Moore has stated his intent to develop a computer game that consists entirely of walking through the halls of congress gunning down people in suits.
He also stated that unless people start paying more attention to him he was going to stop wearing clothes, an apparent contradiction of last week’s announcement that he would put more clothes on if people paid more attention to him.
Meanwhile Zombie and Alien rights groups are up in arms. While they support the intent of those seeking to ban violent computer games they feel betrayed by the spirit of the attempt, since public anger only rises when humans are endangered.
Gameplayers worldwide have derided the entire argument, even going as far as gloating over who will be the heroes when those no good zombies and aliens make their move.

 Really Pathetic Productions 2005 ©