Last week's News
News article for the week of 10/12/06.
New Zealand Still
Irked at French
By, Grey Events
Even after nearly two years, the sinking of the Greenpeace ship “Rainbow
Warrior” in a New Zealand port by French operatives draws an angry reaction
from the majority of Kiwis.
The bitterness was rekindled recently by revelations that one of the plotters
is brother to a French presidential hopeful.
This politician has state that she had no idea of her brother’s missions,
and is generally believed. Most of the anger in New Zealand is aimed at
the near royal treatment of the operatives upon their return to France,
indeed, that they were returned to France at all.
At the time the French government bought considerable economic pressure
to bear against New Zealand, whose economy is based heavily on agricultural
exports, especially to Europe.
Appeals to the US and Britain went unheeded at the time, dismissed as
“The whining of colonials” (Britain) and “Who?” (US).
Making matters worse were several diplomatic moves undertaken by New Zealand,
such as banning nuclear powered vessels from their ports, finding Howard
the Duck entertaining and suggesting that Dolly Parton’s breasts were
too big. These statements and others isolated New Zealand politically,
leaving the government no choice but to hand over the operatives to French
justice, which promptly gave them awards.
This sort of thing concerns human rights organisations who now worry what
French day-care must be like and don’t want to imagine a French florist
on a bad day.
While most of New Zealand accepts that they are in no position to do anything
about this turn of events there are a small minority who want some sort
of action – any action – taken to even the score.
Most Kiwi aggression takes the form of sports, where exceptional teams
gain international notoriety. However no one pays any attention to sporting
events involving the French, so this is not going to be satisfactory.
Military action is similarly ludicrous considering the nations involved.
However with a small, though well trained infantry, no armour corps to
speak of, an air force that routinely hires out to private firms for personnel
transport and conducts bombing missions by post, a navy that pads it’s
numbers by defining “ship” as “anything you can fit three mates and enough
beer for an afternoon on” and technology that is said to be better than
sticks and rocks because they lost the rocks the unfortunate truth is
that New Zealand doesn’t have much of a defence force.
Of course historically neither have the French.
Economics is even more ridiculous as France has too much influence within
the EU to be touched and can launch monetary retaliations that would reduce
New Zealand to a Jerry Lewis theme park and a small golf course.
The only ally New Zealand could possibly find is Japan, which has it’s
own intentions of turning a South Pacific nation into a golf course.
Analysts expect that this will eventually die down to nothing because
New Zealand is easily forgotten and France is best forgotten.