Last week's News

News article for the week of 9/13/06.

Zombie Rights Groups Suffering Internal Pressures
By, Grey News

Just as the Monsters Rights Coalition started gathering momentum and being taken seriously rather than as a bunch of Bela Lugosi impersonators a small-scale disaster has struck, with the Zombie faction finally pulling it’s support from the group.
More shocking is that the Zombie faction, supposedly far more unified than other elements, have turned upon themselves in a macabre feeding frenzy that goes beyond the political.
The initial dispute that caused Zombies to break ranks seems to come down to the traditional ill will between Werewolves and Witches. While the popular media makes much more of Werewolf/Vampire hostility that is the result of needing two monsters that can believably fight each other in a brute force manner.
As it turns out Witches harbour deep grudges against Werewolves for many, obscure and half forgotten, half ridiculous reasons, and is returned with as much passion and consideration.
Zombies are ostensibly neutral, preferring to have as little as possible to do with creatures that could tear them apart with a twist of a finger and even less to do with beings that can create them, control them or use them for potions.
With this in mind it is easy to see how, when the latest Werewolf/Witch shouting match broke out during a Monsters Rights Coalition meeting the Zombie delegation rose en mass, as is their custom, and simply left.
Vampires, Ghosts and Seamonsters have made great efforts to show the Coalition as still unified and still strong, unconcerned with the departure of the shambling hoard.
This may be a thin veneer over the surface of a crumbling organisation, however it is nothing compared to what one underworld watcher called “the complete and utter disintegration of the Zombie faction to a degree not seen since Bruce Campbell got loaded and took his new shotgun out for some test firing.”
Magically created Zombies have split with Zombies resulting from science, the latter fragmenting along lines of viral infection, technological generation, biological alteration and “unknown”.
Magicals want to seen an end to their creators to put a stop on the pain that is their existence, something that has earned them the moniker “Self-Hating Zombies”.
Meanwhile the Infected branch, totalling nine sub factions based on virus type at last count, want energy to be focused on a reversal of their situation, stating that ending their existence is easy and shotgun based.
Technological Zombies decry both options, stating that destroying their creators is not going to stop someone else trying again and reversal is just another rejection of Zombie lifestyle.
Those created as a result of biological alteration have spread themselves out among these factions, not wanting to exist, not wanting to spread the problem or else accepting what they are and offering their services as a means of execution more humane than most because if they get to eat a prisoner at least someone winds up happy.
Unknowns have also spread evenly among the factions, though have made themselves prominent on several other issues that seem quite petty on the surface.
For one thing the need to satisfy both brain eating Zombies and flesh eating Zombies has been made difficult by the factionalisation, as Zombies of one opinion no longer want to dine with Zombies of other opinions.
Zombie style being marketed to the public by viral Zombies has also caused problems, as most Zombies do not want their torn and tattered look to become the hip thing among counter culture groups and pathetic losers as Vampires have to Goths and Werewolves have to Furries.
Whether this is the fate of the Monster Coalition as a whole or simply the end of the largest, most diverse element is yet to be seen, however for now the only winners are monster hunters and gravediggers.

 Really Pathetic Productions 2005 ©