Last week's News
News article for the week of 6/19/06.
for Atlantis IX: We’re In (Continued from Ep.
By, Grey Exploration
Finally our legal troubles are over and we are ready to explore what
we hope are the lost ruins of Atlantis.
More specifically I personally have managed to delay our legal misery.
The Morlocks who were suing us and in turn being sued by us in what has
to be the single biggest legal mess since OJ’s speeding ticket have entered
into an agreement with me, one that I have had some difficulty getting
the others to go along with.
Mister Moneybags (not his real name, he just likes the sound of this one),
our financial backer and dilettante explorer is against it because he
sees this as his moment to shine. Not because he is an excellent lawyer,
an adequate lawyer or even a crap lawyer, simply because he has vast sums
of cash, something, that if thrown at any legal system, will eventually
result in a verdict to your liking.
One thing I will give him, he has more money than a bunch of soggy Morlocks.
However these things take time and this is Italy, meaning it will take
a very long time if we do it that way.
All the while the geeks and Morlocks are going to keep exchanging insults,
invariably making the situation worse. Personally I doubt Moneybags is
going to be able to bribe quickly enough to keep up with the growing number
of newly formed vendettas.
No, my solution was both simple and elegant.
In retrospect I’m surprised that anyone agreed to it.
However all sides agreed that the geeks would apologise for calling Morlocks
“Klingons”, “Half Drowned Rats”, “Goths”, “Dixie Chix Fans” and will submit
a complete Star Trek DVD collection (each signed by the appropriate captain).
In return the Morlocks will retract their statements claiming that the
Star Wars Prequels are superior to the Originals, will cease production
of all podcasts that make derogatory statements about Firefly and allow
limited access to the public areas of the underwater city they now inhabit,
with further exploration pending on good behaviour and evidence.
In the end everyone went for it, I had to promise to introduce some oily,
obese geeks to Jessica Alba, how I’m going to do that since I don’t even
know Jessica Alba, and that I would not interfere with Moneybags’ attempts
to buy pretty much everything he sees once he’s in that city.
I smell a whole lot more lawsuits coming on.
At any rate we now approach the city in a small convoy of submersibles.
I find myself in close proximity to a number of ships crew along for the
heavy lifting, and several of the geeks themselves.
Between the honest musky smell of hard working men and the breath of someone
who doesn’t believe in cleaning their teeth between pizzas and a view
of an under water city that includes the infamous golden arches . . .
Oh crap. I begin to wonder exactly why I’ve gone to this much effort when
the whole thing could have collapsed and I could have gone home to interview