Past Entertainment

For the Week of 3/2/09

‘Gears of War 2’ a gruesome, dark humor filled adventure
(Xbox 360 Review)
By Ezra Mann (Editor in Spoof)

(These articles have also been published at www.fuelltothefire.com and soon at www.b-scared.com

Ah yes, a familiar visitor has arrived, you know, save the remnants of the human race so they can go on making mini versions of themselves. Insert nasty must defeat villain or race of villains that has you backed into a corner and rinse and repeat until you run off screaming out of your mind.
If you were looking for a new concept from the shooting genre you aren’t going to find much relief, but at least this offering delivers it in a way that you can at least pretend like it’s new all over again. A sequel arguably deserving of its fanfare, Epic Games and Microsoft Game Studios release a creation that is as smooth as it is brutal. “Gears of War 2” actually makes players want to fight until the end.
Set on the Earthlike planet Sera, the story picks up after what was supposed to be the successful wiping out of the human nemesis, the Locust Horde. Again you get to experience the wit and grit of Marcus Fenix, leader of the Delta Squad who is faced with the most difficult missions that humanity’s fate just happen to depend on.
Yet, don’t get too comfortable as a work alone hero, because you’ll be working with a cast of characters about as cunning as something out of the movie “Tropic Thunder.” The game is actually designed in a way that makes its operation tolerable, from the gory battle to the environment where the dirty work is. The game is just simple enough that most can play it, but difficult enough to keep you on your guard at all times.
One of the best parts of this game is the morbid humor that is strewn about to break up the tension of being in battle. Just when you might be overwhelmed by cutting through the artery of a giant heart, comic relief steps in (Which looks to continue with the story open enough for a third game).
The mature rating on this title is definitely earned with the language and violence so please reconsider if your little gamers start asking for this. It’s not a game that you have to buy, but if you can only purchase one at this point, it is one of the more entertaining options available. For not wearing me out before the war was finished “Gears of War 2” earns a gut spilling five out of six toggles.
The Fey Files
Fantasy made way too real
By Don Hellion
This is a transcript of the minutes of the latest meeting of the Fey Folk
Assembly to discuss a most pressing matter. The Fey folk are of a fantasy world we only thought was in our imaginations and dreams, but could be more real than we previously thought. In fact, these people, if they exist are worried, in fear that we have uncovered a conspiracy once thought to be a simple ruse of a over-controlling government. Could it be the first of many, only time will tell.

Minutes for the Fey assembly.

Chairman Fresard Silver Leaf opened the discussion.

“My fellow member of the fey community we face what may be the most severe threat to our existence yet. It seems that the humans are on the verge of discovering our birthing areas.”

A low mummer rose from the crowd.

“Yes my brothers and sisters It’s true recent passages have appeared on what they call the internet that point to many no longer being fooled by our efforts to make them believe that the lights from the birthing process are caused by extra terrestrials. These postings have revealed they know the truth.”

A loud gasp rose from the assembled crowd.

Gronard Bright Wing of the Northwest Sprite alliance rose.

“How can this be?”

Fresard Silver Leaf:

“We are not sure, but the humans are have what they call a high speed photograph, which appears to have captured an actual birthing. We are not sure how they have been able to figure it out but they claim to have seen the births of elves and sprites, even figuring out that there are Red sprites. They have made it clear that they no longer are falling for the ruse that these lights are caused by extra terrestrials.”

Alaya Goldmane from the Southern Elf League spoke:

“Have they been able to find out how to look past our glammer to find our homes yet?”

Fresard Silver Leaf:

“That we do not know. So far they do not appear to have done so… But at the
rate they Improve their detection technologies I fear it’s only a matter of time.”

Myra Copper Wing of the Eastern Red Sprite Society Spoke up:

“Maybe it’s time to make ourselves known to the humans before they find us anyway. I think that we can have relations with them.”

Elware Of the Western Elf Congress snorted then spoke:

“Have you lost your mind woman? These humans do nothing but make war and try
to dominate those who are different from what they are they continually war
with each other over skin color and eye shape… Do you REALLY believe that they
will welcome us with open arms and not try to enslave us?”

Gronard Bright Wing:

“What should we do?”

Alaya Goldmane:

“I say we seek out those sensors things and destroy them! Then they won’t
find us.”

Fresard Silver Leaf:

“I’m afraid that it’s too late for that. There are too many of them now and I
fear that if we do it will only confirm our existence and then they would
hunt us down and attack us.”

Gronard Bright Wing:

But if they are going to find us eventually we have to do SOMETHING!”

Fresard Silver Leaf:

“Well there is only one thing left to do… We must form study committees to
figure out what they are going to end up doing , what their intentions are and
what we should do about it.”

The assembly put it to a vote and decided unanimously to form three committees one to investigate the internet stories, one to study what could be done to strengthen the Glammers and finally one to decide a course of action. Then much pie was served, tasty pie the humans had not discovered yet.

Images are property of Microsoft Game Studios and Epic Games.