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Article for the week of 4/22/08

Thoughts from Nevada:

Polygamous Primates Prance and Perform…
By, Puns McKenna

A group of traveling Spider monkeys has joined the Barnum and Bailey’s Circus. These traveling performers have chosen to join the circus to escape ostracization from monkey society. Their spokesman, a large Rhesus monkey from P.E.T.A stated in a report on Wednesday that “These performers just want to have their cake and eat it too.”
So far every performance has played to a packed house. It seems that no one much minds if monkeys have polygamous…or even polyamorous relationships. Just so long as they get their fifteen bucks worth. What I wonder is why P.E.T.A. isn’t screaming bloody murder. I mean, they have these monkeys that are trying to raise these huge families; that have to resort to selling themselves to make enough to feed everyone.

And that’s another thing! Why are monkey’s allowed to have the huge polygamous relationships when we human’s aren’t? Why isn’t it against the law for monkeys? They’re primates… we’re primates… What’s the deal? Why are monkeys getting special privileges and we aren’t? I say down with the yahoos that think animals have rights and people don’t. Down with the arbitrary laws that make no sense!

I’m jumping up and down on my soapbox here… hopefully it won’t explode beneath me. But I’m jumping up and down anyhow. People have rights…animals are pets or tools…or entertainment value…or FOOD. Shouting that, animals have rights in silly. It’s like saying that every animal whether it has talent or not should be in a movie.

Let the Polygamist monkeys keep they’re polyamorous ways. But stop denying that people have them too.

Okay… so the soapbox is now put away and I can get back to this wonderful family of Spider Monkeys. They really are cute and adorable. They perform a high wire act in little pink tutus and leotards. Another set from this twenty set family performs a seal act. Ten sets of these wonderful little buggers are happy little buttons. They all drive about like mad packed into an impossibly tiny clown car. Then they all pile out and try to put out a burning building with gasoline. The last two sets ride horseback and play with Tigers respectively.

Overall, it seems that Polygamy has made this tight-knit little family a modern marvel…..Frighteninglyfast balls of fur that race around the three rings making people laugh.

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