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Article for the week of 3/24/08

Ted Kennedy Promises New Fuel Source
By, Grey Science
After publicly endorsing Barak Obama while tastefully stopping short of inducting him into the accursed Kennedy family Senator Ted Kennedy came into contact with something he liked: Attention.
He had it before but it has been so long since he tasted the sweet tang of attention that he missed out on for so long the Kennedy genes kicked in and he decided he wanted more.
However with Democratic attention presently focused on presidential nominees Barak Obama and Hilary Clinton, presently battling it out on the beaches of Normandy, there is little room for an aging, tubby senator, even if his surname once meant something magical.
Seeing how Al Gore has managed a second career on the big screen touting the environment Ted Kennedy has chosen to engage in an age old political tactic: Stealing someone else’s idea.
Or at least partially. Since Kennedy’s have had mixed relationships with the media Teddy has chosen to emulate the environmentalist portion of Gore’s act.
To that end he has announced that he will personally push for the use of kangaroos as a new, limitless, alternative fuel source for the USA and her allies.
In some respects it is not the most insane of ideas. The prattling of PETA and celebrities with nothing better to do aside certain kangaroo species are not endangered. If anything they are noxious pests that endanger the environment unless their numbers are culled.
Realistically if it weren’t for Skippy, and I remind you that twelve out of the nineteen kangaroos that have played Skippy over the years have attempted to molest their underage co-stars or been heavily involved in illegal gambling, it is entirely possible that we would have no positive view of kangaroos at all.
Sadly the science does not back up Kennedy ambitions, continuing the long running feud between politicians and facts.
While the average efficiency for kangaroo based fuel far exceeds any other alternative fuel source the yield of fuel per kangaroo is pitifully small, far too little to make even the processing profitable or economical, to say nothing of the sheer numbers of kangaroos needed.
Of course facts have never stopped a politician searching for limelight. Ted Kennedy is continuing his crusade, attempting to bring freshly minted Australian Prime Minister Rudd in on the act.
Weary of his predecessors close association with US politicians Rudd has been justifiably cautious, especially when the Kennedy factor becomes involved, consequently he is refusing to have anything to do with the initiative if it involves open top cars or small aircraft.
Kennedy’s initiative does not fare better at home. At a time when many households are feeling the crunch of higher oil prices the need for alternative fuels is cruelly felt, however the lack of immediacy, and the fact that a mere long running senator is calling the shots rather than a fresh president, means everyone is tuning into Youtube debates rather than Ted Kennedy crowing.

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