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Article for the week of 3/9/08

Metalheads rage against the Rock & Roll hall of fame
By, Cozmic
With the latest inductees into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, every fan of metal has once more become the angry man stereotypical of the certain portions of the genre. The reason is, of course, the fact that Madonna made it in, while rock legends such as Iron Maiden are still standing outside, waiting for some sort of approval from the music world in general, having inspired countless of bands over the decades and selling thousands, if not millions, of t-shirts decorated with skeletons and monsters.
The most moral-panicky people of the world are worried the fact that a respected pop-artist like Madonna has been inducted in favor of another rock band will start of a new stretch of devil-worshiping, church-burning, heroin usage, mindless sex, drinking until you drop dead(like Hall of Fame inductee John Bonham) and playing Dungeons and Dragons in your mom's basement. The fact that most popular music these days support the drugs, drinking and sex far more than a lot of classic metal and that church-burning is only popular among Norwegian black metal bands has no impact on these people whatsoever.
“It's a total outrage that none of these like, rock dudes, are let in” says Steven Li, a large, hairy metal fan in a denim vest with a Iron Maiden patch on the back and a faded black Dethklok t-shirt poking out from under the beard, when RPNN meets him.”The hall of fame should, like, get eaten by a Finnish troll!” When asked why a Finnish troll, Li mumbled something about me just not getting it, which offended me a great deal, but I let it slide. We then asked exactly what he was going to do about his disappointment, but the answer came off sounding like “drinking and writing angry e-mails” mumbled out from that large beard and we decided not to push the issue.
Of course, rumblings about storming the Hall of Fame, located in Cleveland, Ohio, with axes (the real ones, not guitars), maces and shotguns have all been heard throughout the community, as well as the comments about how Bruce Dickinson should do a 9/11 and crash a passenger aircraft into the building. Dickinson, however, said that just like they never did anything stupid like inject heroin on stage or bite the head off a bat(like inductee Ozzy Osbourne), the band would not do something that crazy, especially since he could just use his fencing skills on anyone instead.
However, perhaps it is just because they have not bitten the heads off bats or done enormous amounts of drugs(Syd Barrett, Johnny Cash, most other inductees you would care to name), that Iron Maiden never seem to make the cut, as they are just not extremely insane enough, which, of course, is not rock and roll at all. Everyone knows it is far less rock & roll to not do drugs and play metal than it is to release a disco-album.
Thus far, however, it would seem that the next Iron Maiden release will still be free from disco, thankfully enough.

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