Past entertainment


Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 2/17/08

25 years of… The Thriller!
By, Puns McKenna

Ahhh! Everyone run away!
They walk the streets looking for something good to eat. And if you don’t run like you should, you’ll be the victim of… The Thriller!

For twenty-five years we’ve had the spine-chilling video for Michael Jackson’s hit song the Thriller. Zombies stalking through the night chasing the unsuspecting young couple wanting to eat their brains. All of a sudden the boy breaks into this hyper-cool 80’s style dance, lulls the zombies into a false sense of security, and then magically becomes a zombie dude with zombitude himself. The girl, of course, makes every horror flick boo-boo in the book. She runs off into the dark…alone! She takes off into this abandoned warehouse thinking she can hide from the zombie dudes. Of course she doesn’t know it’s that Chanel No. 5 crap she’s wearing that drawing ‘em after her. Not to mention the loud…long…audible for six-city block screams she broadcasting the whole way. I dunno about you, but I doubt it would take a brain cell betwixt the Zombo’s to find her.

Okay, so now here we are twenty-five years later, being regaled with the Thriller. And ole Mikey “I’m a wraith” Jackson decides he’s gonna put out a whole new version of the album. Yeah, that’s right. He’s putting out a whole new album. That means everyone that bought the thing in the 80’s, and y’all know who you are, are gonna have to buy new copies. I’d just like to know, does anyone even remember the rest of the songs listed on the album? If you can, you’re just a wee bit on the obsessive side! No! Seriously though. The big song that album is remembered for is the title track, “Walkin’ Dead Dudes”. To top it off, he’s adding a bunch of other Pop top artists to join in the saga and add to his twisted dream.

I just wonder if they’re planning to make a new video too. They wouldn’t need make-up for Jackson’s zombie dude bits anymore. They’d just need make-up to make the wraith look like a dude again. Oh no wait! I’ve got it! They could get some other dude that knows all of Jackson’s trademark dances to do it for him. I mean it’s not like there ain’t eight hundred kids out there that don’t know his dance moves. So you get a fill-in dancer and we’ll just put digital overlays of “Wraith man” over the footage singing his song.

The New and Improvised Thriller! Twenty-five years of Plastic Surgery and Botox!

Clinton and Huckabee Employ New Tactics
By, Grey Politics
As Barak Obama seems to be pulling ahead in the Democratic nominee race, John McCain all but locking up the Republican nomination and third and fourth stringers like John Edwards, Mitt Romney and Grover dropping out the remaining contenders for each main party, Hillary Clinton and Mike Huckabee are trying their best to revitalise their campaigns.
Clinton may have the easiest time of it, Obama’s lead is hardly commanding and the Clinton name combined with money, trained monkeys, the forced allegiance of the Lollypop Guild and a brand new set of ruby slippers may make the difference.
Sadly there are just as many elements acting against the former first lady. Her admission that she had to borrow five million dollars of her own personal funds to help keep the campaign going smacks of Romney misfortune, and the lack of charisma on par with husband Bill lead some to conclude that she just doesn’t have the momentum left to cross the finish line.
Huckabee has more working against him. In previous primaries he split the religious conservative vote with Romney while most mainstream Republicans supported McCain, the end result being that the latter can afford to lose a few more to a religious crackpot.
Consequently both Clinton and Huckabee are taking extra measures as the Presidential nominee race draws to a close.
In a bid to appear more feminine and get in touch with the female voters, something that has been an issue for most candidates, Mike Huckabee has taken to wearing lip-gloss. The glitter kind, usually cherry flavoured to portray a carefree, fun loving, slightly seductive look while still being playful.
This does somewhat contradict Huckabee’s straight laced, even uptight conservative image, however after Chuck Norris adverts, kissing babies with his tongue and promising to declare Mexicans mythical upon election this isn’t exactly a surprise.
Hilary Clinton is focusing on more mundane methods. A staff reshuffle to reiterate her message, well, buzzword her message more, is expected to have little effect beyond destabilising her camp just as the crunch comes in.
The revelation of the loan is a setback, but with vital clawing in recent races she has proven she is still a force to contend with.
To capitalise on this Hilary Clinton is going to enter the square ring and face off against Apollo Creed.
The aging Creed is no longer the fighter he once was, though is not expected to be an easy fight for Clinton with the revelation that she has an extra nine crows feet, an unbalanced mix that now puts her right eye at five crows feet over the left, giving her a lopsided appearance that is disturbing many male and younger female voters.
Nevertheless should the plucky New York senator (and that is a title that is helping no one this election process) lead with her left and listen to Adrian and Paulie there is every expectation she will carry the day.

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