Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 2/21/07

When the cult hit/flop/art house film “Snakes on a Plane” was released, star and prime mover Samuel L Jackson was reportedly eager to star in a sequel he called “Snakes on Crack”.
We all assumed it was just a joke.
But no. Preparations are underway for a sequel with Jackson signing on, once more based entirely upon the title “Snakes on a Boat”.
When first announced obvious parallels to Speed 2 were made, especially when actress Sandra Bullock announced that she would be working as executive producer and co-star another joke valiantly fell upon it’s sword.
No one in the film industry is laughing anymore, likewise all the jokes have stopped as rumours of turning the series into a trilogy have surfaced.
At one point a reporter who shall remain nameless joked during an interview with Samuel L Jackson suggested a new film be named “Snakes in Space”, only to have the actor pull out a notepad, write down the title and mutter that it sounded like a good idea.
Samuel L Jackson may never be interviewed or work on comedy again.
It gets worse. Apparently the licence for the title and series has been split between Jackson, writers, producers, directors and a catering business who were given the licence to cover some unpaid bills and Jackson’s little known addiction to peanut brownies.
Whereas the actor and producers have a solid grasp on the snake aspect of the film it turns out that the directors and caterers have been allowed free rein with “on a vehicle” aspect.
Consequently the film “Bears on a Plane” will be released six months ahead of the scheduled completion of “Snakes on a Boat”, and a year after that will see “Bears on a Boat”, with the distinct possibility of “Bears on a Bus”, not featuring Bullock or Keanu Reeves, though possibly employing Alex Winters as actor, leading him to direct “Bears on a Time Travelling Phonebooth”.
And then there are the writers, forgotten and almost written off, quietly working on their small scrap of the pie to bring together “Idiots on an Island”.
So far their chief problem has been the similarity to every island based Survivor series, especially when the original title was “Celebrities on an Island”. Set to star Kevin Fenderlane, Jessica Simpson and 50 Cent, either title would have worked.
Fortunately it is unlikely to go ahead as “Survivor: The Movie” is likely to be released beforehand, and will tie them up in legal battles indefinitely.
Critics are baffled, audiences’ dangerously curious, theatre owners wringing their hands, unsure as to whether this represents grand profits or utter disaster. Only internet pundits are excited at the possibility of promoting or ridiculing new material, hoping that their power can increase to levels where they can sweep aside the puny democratic practices of the nations and use their hastily written opinions to shape the future of the world.
At any rate there is only one sure loser, and that is comedy, which may now well and truly have died of shame.