Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 11/23/06

McCartney Divorce Opens New Front
By, Grey Entertainment

From the moment it started the divorce of former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney and second wife Heather Mills-McCartney was touted as the biggest of the century. Only the possibility of Princess Diana rising from the grave, remarrying Prince Charles and divorcing him all over again could possibly offer competition.
Equally certain was that this was going to be a bitter, knock down, drag out fight. Publicity hound Heather Mills-McCartney has been launching salvo after salvo, accusations of greed, abuse, late night chocolate milk binges, everything she could think of to generate publicity and sympathy for her side of the proceedings. Like any modern celebrity wife she is fighting this in the gossip columns more than the courtroom.
Sir Paul for his part is relying on his long, favourable history and a certain amount of silence. So far McCartney is winning the publicity battle, as his ex-wife’s attempts to round up public support works against her.
What no one expected was that that the couple would open another front by inciting additional divorces. Least of all between Reese Witherspoon and her husband, that guy.
On the surface there is no immediate connection between the two events. Indeed the Witherspoon divorce has been long anticipated as Reese’s career skyrockets compared to her husband’s slow slide towards obscurity.
If there were any hope it would be that the latest ultra-shiny World War II film would raise his profile, however in stepped the McCartney’s.
No one is entirely sure what happened, only that Heather began some sort of association with that guy, pointing out repeatedly that his career was floundering, that he needed more attention and that divorce was the quickest, easiest way of getting his name out there.
Ignore what you’ve heard about affairs with little known Australian actresses and plans to lead an army of kangaroos into battle on the plains of Middle Earth, this is the truth.
Look no further than Sir Paul and daughter Stella swooping in to Reese Witherspoon’s side, offering advice, tactics, artillery support and a small unit of attack helicopters to counter that guy’s native armour forces and large infantry support.
By inciting the Witherspoon divorce Mills-McCartney is trying to fight a larger battle than Sir Paul can manage. Coming off of a deliriously happy marriage this divorce has left him without the resources other celebrities such as Mick Jagger, Jack Nicholson or Liz Taylor. He is emotionally unprepared for battle, and is reliant upon his sterling public record.
With this new front he will be force to spread his good will thin, possibly thin enough for a barbed accusation to pierce his defences.
Rumour has it Heather Mills-McCartney is preparing to launch an air strike heavy with innuendo that Sir Paul is not the pacifist vegetarian he claims to be. Ammunition such as the song “Live and Let Die,” and a personal assistant who’s only job is to make regular, twice weekly runs to McDonalds for Fillet’o Fish and Quarter Pounders may prove Sir Paul’s undoing if he concentrates too much effort on moulding Witherspoon into a divorcing machine.
Had close friend Diana been alive or interested in rising from the dead any earlier he would have expert support. As it is this war is just starting.

 Really Pathetic Productions 2005 ©