Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 10/30/06

Celebrity Survival Cooking
By, Grey Entertainment

Reality TV, desperate gasp for attention by faltering celebrities, attempt to cash in on the obesity panic, this latest show could be called many things, though calling it entertainment would be the longest stretch of the word.
Jessica Simpson, Bette Middler, that guy who used to do the thing, Zombie Bob Marley, numerous celebrities have signed on for “Celebrity Survival Cooking”.
Theoretically the survival part comes from each celebrity being forced to work only with what is at hand in an ordinary suburban kitchen.
Well, mostly ordinary. Poor Tim Allen was dropped off in Canada.
Realistically the survival aspect refers to the careers of the celebrities in question. Most of them haven’t been heard from in the last five years, those that have are facing severe slumps whether they acknowledge it or not.
All except Samuel L. Jackson, who may simply be proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is in absolutely everything.
The cooking aspect is also debatable. Zombie Bob Marley’s expertise with brownies is not in debate, likewise his chicken soup, made mostly from beef, is inventive, however there are many things that go into a meal, and to be honest bark isn’t one of them.
Honestly this show has been put together badly, reliant primarily upon the supposed glitz and glamour of its guests rather than actual cooking skills, taking the opposite path from anything involving Jamie Oliver.
And there isn’t nearly enough glitz and glamour to cover the deficiency.
Ideally good cooking itself involves a few rules, many of which can be broken when working on television. There are even a few new rules to follow, some of which are quite advantageous.
If you make a batch of bad dumplings, no problem, simply slip them aside and have the professionally made dumplings put on screen and eat those.
At no point should you follow Jessica Simpson’s example and start playing tennis with said dumplings and then, on live television, outline plans under which you will forcibly stuff you ex-husband with said dumplings in full anatomical detail.
Though the nostril stuffing is intriguing.
Additionally if you’re going to have eye candy on screen, an old, old trick, you need to do better than Bette Middler in a bikini.
No offence to the talented Middler, but she is not the sex object . . . She was never a sex object!
And no, putting Justin Timberlake in a bikini, however prophetic and no matter how good his legs look, is not an improvement.
Similarly it is not a good sign if a pot of water for boiling eggs suddenly bursts into flame. I’ll let you find out for yourself who almost burns a house down that way, it’ll be the most interesting part of the entirely series.
Long term I do not give this series much of a chance of winning awards, though it may have surprising longevity as more and more desperate stars attempt to delay their slide into oblivion or stage miracle comebacks, career events that look increasingly bleak thanks to failure of Geena Davis’ political series, the kid with the hair and her show which was little more than soft porn, and Ronald McDonald’s latest screenplay fiasco.