Past Entertainment Articles.

Article for the week of 6/19/05

Criminals do the dumbest things. (double feature)

Mama's Boy.

By, Officer Mac.

I got sent to take a report for a stolen vehicle the other night, no biggie, routine report. Only problem is my victim was lying through his teeth. He claimed to have gone to a party, although he couldn't remember the address where he went, and left the party after he had gotten trashed with a guy he had just met. only knew his first name, and let this person drive his car. He said this person drove by a new housing development and for no apparent reason, pulled a gun and forced him out of the car, and then drove off. Now, the rest of the story.
I was contacted prior to arriving at this tard's house by an officer working multiple hit and run call. Seems someone in a car that, miracle of miracles, had the same license plate number and description as my victims car, had hit several vehicles, and a couple concrete mailboxes and fled the scene. He was however, kind enough to leave the front bumper complete with license plate on scene.
I kept this info to myself for the first part of the interview, I didn't have to talk to my victim much, It seemed his mommy did most of his talking for him because he was to sloppy drunk to answer for himself. Mom even answered when I asked dad questions, wow.
A much longer story short, I sweated him about the flaws in his story and after he filled out the stolen vehicle affidavit, I promised him that I would be back to hook him up for the false report and the hit and runs should his story be BS, which I told him that I was sure his was.
The next morning, complete with Mom, Dad, half his family and the pastor of his church in tow, he came to the sector where I work and turned himself in, fessing up to the hit and runs and the fake car jacking. He has said in the interview that he wanted to go into the Army, wonder if they'll want him now ?


A speed indeed....

By, Officer Mac

I got sent to try and catch up with a citizen who was following a drunk driver. First off, let me just say this: If you are determined to follow a drunk driver till the police catch up..... don't chase this person at excessive speeds! Now off the soap box and on with the story.
I'm coming North bound on the street they were supposed to be on, when the vehicle that was indicated on my call screen to be the Drunk's ride passed me going south bound at about 78 mph in a 40 mph zone. Naturally I turned and got after him : Chase On !!
We went round and round on back streets for about 5 minutes, he either got dizzy, sick or both and stopped in the middle of the street. Door flies open and out he comes to flee on foot, at least till his seat belt interveined......
I saw it and I still cannot explain how his foot became tangled in his seatbelt..... but it did and down he goes face first onto the blacktop. one in custody. After it was all said and done, 18 years old and blew a .219 and a .220 !! Legal limit is .08........ I don't figure the ounce and a half of weed he had on him helped his sobriety any either. After his little performance on tape in the intox room at the jail, this one will never see trial if his lawyer is smart.

Events based on actual occurrences. Names have been changed to protect the ignorant.


 Really Pathetic Productions 2005