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Oil Spill Triggers
New Reality TV Game Show
The massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico could be the single greatest environmental disaster of the decade, and is a potent ratings bonanza in the waiting.
BP, lumped with a massive cleanup bill that may break the petroleum company and bodes ill for the entire petrochemical industry, which has never gotten used to the idea of responsibility, has decided that if it must pay the bill then it must offset the cost as much as possible.
As none of the oil spilling into the ocean is sellable and a bunch of Alabama bumpkins have proven it is an ineffective fuel oil substitute, a mediocre condiment and a moderate educational device at best, the easiest means of profiting is Reality TV.
The basis of the game is blame. BP Executives will attempt to defer blame from the parent corporation onto, ideally, the US government, though plans for pinning the blame on hippies, penguins and Communists exist as contingencies.
This pursuit has been aided by leaked reports regarding safety issues and regulatory mismanagement that puts the Federal government in a bad light. However Barak “The Teflon Prez” Obama has been firm in his stance in having BP accept the blame and foot the bill. Given his greater charisma and stronger ethical standing it is proving to be extremely difficult for BP to foist anything off on authorities.
That does not mean the show will lack fodder. BP is still a part of Big Oil and has stared down three presidents, nine prime ministers, two queens, a king and a self elected president and liberator for life, not to mention an endless hoard of celebrity do-gooders.
All the same it would not be Reality TV without physical challenges, aka public humiliation.
BP executives are prepared to eat disgusting substances, lie in vats of unmentionable goo, sing before Ellen Degenares or even have parts of their bodies shaved, regardless of the presence of hair or not and have dared Barak Obama and other politicians to meet them on the same playing feild.
To which the White House issued the official response: “No.”
Naturally the petroleum industry has pounced on this and claimed that they and only they hold the moral high ground in this matter, as the politicos have proven themselves unwilling to resort to public debasement.
Furthermore BP has said that it will still compete in the TV series, even unopposed, as a demonstration of their own high standards.
The continuing claims of greater ethical authority have been met with an official White House response: “No.”
If you can’t beat them…EAT them!
By Don Hellion
Unless you live in a cave with out access to TV, radio and the internet, you no doubt have heard of the recent invasion of the Mississippi River basin by Asian carp. Specifically the Big head and Silver carp. There has been a lot of panic over the prospect of them getting into the Great lakes and taking over . They are voracious plankton eaters and grow like mad. They are also tough too. Commercial fishermen in the Great lakes have expressed concern that they would destroy the fishery if the get into the Great Lakes.
I think the panic is unfounded. One thing people are not aware of over here is that those species are both food fish in Asia unlike their bottom feeding cousin the German carp (The species that is dominant in the US) The flesh of those two species is quite tasty because of the fact they are filter feeding plankton eaters and do not feed on foul smelling stuff from the bottom.
What should be done is since the name of the fish turns people off is use the fish to make fish patties to sell to fast food places. People don’t care what’s in those anyway as long as they taste good. Since those species grow fast and breed like crazy they would produce far more fish to catch than the native species plus the Silver Carp will jump out of the water when they hear a loud noise in the water so you don’t even need nets to catch them just send out boats with large steel baskets on the sides with a thumper like they used in WW II to detonate acoustic mines and you can quickly have a boat load with out catching other things.
So what they should be doing instead of trying to stop the inevitable is work on recipes for fish patties using those fish for fast food restaurants and set up fishing boats to catch them and then when they arrive go out and load up. It could be a GREAT source of jobs for Michigan and the other Great lakes states… Especially if the Gulf coast fisheries get trashed by the BP oil spill. The Great lakes could make a bundle off those fish. Once people taste the fast food fish sandwiches and accept them then they could expand to selling frozen fish patties and sticks.
As the old saying goes when life hands you a lemon you make lemonade and when it’s a big fish you make fish sandwiches.