Why Matrix Reloaded Sucked (Reviewed by Chris)

I just came from seeing Matrix Reloaded and I am about to inform you why this has to be the most overhyped piece of crap I have ever seen in 22 years. Although I am not a big fan of sci-fi movies (actually I hate them with the exception of a few movies i.e. Back to the Future and X-Men), I try to keep an open mind to things. This movie flat out sucked. I am going to spoil this movie for you as much as I can so that I may spare you the 3 hour horror that I endured.

If you don't read anything else in this review, read this: The movie made no damn sense. I killed more brain cells trying to figure out what the hell was going on than I would had I spent an hour in the garage sniffing paint and inhaling an entire can of Lysol. When I go to a movie, I want to use as little brain power as possible. If I wanted to think about deep intellectual junk, I'd go to school.

Too much kissing. I payed $6 to see stuff blow up, people get PD rolled, car chases, and so on. I don't want to see people making out.

The fighting scenes were stupid. A few minutes through the movie, a fighting scene comes up. I'm thinking "alright! This is what I paid to see, hardcore ass kicking!" It was ten minutes of people punching and kicking and doing fancy gymnastics for no reason. Nobody got hurt, no bleeding, nothing. It was just showing off how many neato special effects they could do. It was about as interesting as watching a hyped-up soccer match play out to a 0-0 tie. It's cool at first, but after a minute or fifteen, it gets redundant.

If you know me well, which you don't, you know that I like cars blowing up and flipping over and so on. I never thought I could be uninterested in watching cars flip over. They were on the freeway and cars would just flip over for no apparent reason or an 18 wheeler would ram a car or a guy would jump on a car and smash the crap out of it for no reason. That made the movie more complicated than it needed to be.

All the other scenes were stupid. I'm specifically referring to the rave party scene. That had to be the most irrelevant thing I have ever seen in my life. Not even the women in wet t-shirts and boobs made this scene worth watching. This was one of those things that you save for the DVD version and put as "bonus footage." Actually, this wasn't even worthy of that. Another thing was Laurence Fishburne standing up there like he's Moses handing out the Ten Commandments or something. WHY?

The French guy confused me even more. It had nothing to do with his accent. He could have spoken Ebonics and I still wouldn't have had a clue what he was trying to say. "Oui oui, look at that woman there, she's eating a cake that I spiked and I'm going to make her have an orgasm by eating that cake, I'm cool!" What kinda crap was that and what was the purpose?

The movie nearly gave me an epilleptic seizure. On a serious note, one of my coworkers went to see it last night, and at the "high point" of the movie, a girl down the aisle from him went into a seizure. I can see why. It was dizzying. Was this Matrix or Pokemon? You will have millions of nerds around the country that are going to say this is the best movie ever because of it's "dazzling" special effects. Remember Water World? That movie had "great" special effects and it sucked too. Special effects do not make a movie. Some of the best movies are low budget. Friday didn't have any special effects and that's a great movie.

There was no ending. It just said "to be concluded." I kid you not when I say everyone in the theater looked at the screen as if to say "uh, this movie is not over, you better conclude this mug." You mean I just sat through this 3 hour borefest to be told that you want me to come back next year and sit through another boreathon to be confused even more? FUNK DAT! It was such a struggle to stay awake during this movie. I may not have much of a life, but I have better things to do.

In conclusion, this movie is overhyped and I wouldn't pay to see this movie if it were $1. I would have rather spent $6 on a 3 piece meal at Frenchy's Chicken and gotten a lemon cake and gotten more enjoyment and less headache.



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