Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

Hood Humor Page

Thank you for visiting my page at Angelfire. Please come back and visit again!

Hood Humor Page

WELCOME TO THE

Hood Humor Home Page

Joke(s) Change When We Get A Rountuit

This is a CLEAN joke page. We hope no one gets offended by any of the content here.If you do...{:Þ

Please choose a background song from below:
(If the browser doesn't go back to this page automatically, just click on your browser's 'Back' button.)

Free JavaScripts provided
by The JavaScript Source

I had 12 bottles of whiskey in my cellar and I was instructed by my wife to empty each and every bottle down the drain, so I proceeded with the task. I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I then poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I then pulled the cork from the fourth sink, poured the bottles down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29 and put the house in the bottle, which I drank. I'm not under the affluence of incahol, but thinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here the longer I get!!!

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner. "Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy YOU a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?" "Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian. The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?" The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?" "It was ME," chortled the Indian. So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.
Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies, "Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?" "Fair enough," said Sven. Ok...my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?" "Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?" "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota."

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"

"I haven't sold one tractor all month", a tractor salesman tells his friend. "That's nothing compared to my problem", his buddy replies. "I was milking my cow when it's tail whips around and hits me in the forehead, so I grabbed some string and tied it's tail up to the rafters. Then I go back to milk it and it kicks me in the head with it's right hind leg, so I grab some rope and tie it's one leg up to the rafters. I go back to try and milk it again when it kicks me in the head with it's left hind leg, so I tie it's other leg up to the rafters. Then my wife comes walking in and I'll tell ya, if you can convince her that I was trying to milk that cow, I'll buy a tractor off ya".

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -"Sorry I took so long" he says, "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

DEER HUNTING HUMOR...

The Deer Hunt

1:00am Alarm clock rings
2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up
3:00am Leave home for deep woods
3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent
4:30am Head out into woods
6:05am See eight (8) deer
6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07am "Click"
6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
8:00am Head back to camp
9:00am Still looking for camp
10:00am Realize you don't know where the camp is
-Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries
12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back
12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach
12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries
12:45pm Rescued!!
12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00pm Arrive back at camp
3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer
4:00pm Return to camp for bullets
4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again
5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you
6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp.
6:01pm Load Gun
6:02pm Fire gun
6:03pm One Dead Truck
6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!
6:06pm Supress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire
6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator
6:26pm Start walking
6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35pm Meet great big Bear!
6:35pm Take aim
6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions.
6:37pm Climb tree
9:00pm Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree
9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone
9:04pm Start climbing down the tree
9:05pm Fall out of tree
-Midnight- Home at last
-Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions about what to do with it!!

Please try our Political Site to see what downhome conservative values are all about!

Email me gently!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE JOKES

OUR OTHER PAGES & FAVORITE LINKS!

Please Sign our Guestbook

View our Guestbook

Search The Internet

CLICK ON PIC BELOW FOR FULL SIZE IMAGE

...............CLICK HERE FOR MORE PICTURES...............

Thanks for Visiting Our Page!

Enter a City or US Zip: