The Folks Responsible for Gruntwilligar
Jesus (penguin wrangler, savior, coffee whore, programmer). Jesus is one of our most prized employees here at Honkenoffski, if only for the bragging rights (you know--"Oh, yeah? Well we have the son of GOD working on our website" etc. etc.). Mr. Christ is actually a very good worker at times, and is a real wunderkind in PERL (who knew?), but he is a little bitchy at times, and he demands a large paycheck ("I'm the son of GOD for fuck's sake!" and "Well nail me to a cross why don't ya?"). What a hippy.
Mr. Mystic Melon Head (TM) (spiritual advisor and Sweeper Aside of the Veil, programmer). An assemblage of Common Household Objects (much like everything else on this site) Mr. Mystic Melon Head (TM) reads our future by Sweeping Aside the Veil through his own Patented Method. Why am I treating everything as a Proper Noun?
Michael Jackson (resident bitch, programmer). I probably shouldn't tell you this, but Gruntwilligar is a huge fan of ol' freakazoid there, and is actually Vice Chairperson on the Commitee for the Cloning of Michael Jackson. Yeah I know it's stupid, it's supposed to be, asshole...
148,709 Reserve Battery Penguins (violent gestapo squad, programmers). THIS IS A THREAT. IF YOU ATTEMPT TO FUCK WITH ANY OF US YOU WILL BE AT THE BUSINESS END OF 148,709 ARMED, ANGRY, CAFFEINATED PENGUINS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
2,779,044,321 Cyborg Penguins Created By Certified Mad Scientists (world domination force, skilled F****h pastry chefs, programmers). Got Stones? We do, and we're prepared to use them, dammit. Even though we mostly use these Cyborg Penguins to vacuum the floors (vinyl and all that), and that we don't have enough batteries for the lot of 'em, we love them regardless.
One Psychotic Mouse (Needs Coffee too, programmer.) DON'T MESS WITH THIS ONE!! The mouse is underfoot, angry, and had a really nasty headache. Last seen on a wanted poster on the wall of a post office in South Carolina.
One Dead Cat(a dead cat, programmer). The victim in a rather bizzare snuff film, this poor pussy is now functioning as a shim for the short leg of -AD-'s couch.
Many Camels (s***s of the desert, programmers). Ack, I don't feel like writing this now... There are just too many camels to credit individually, they all helped so much, especially with guarding the secret underground headquarters, where much of this web page is not actually designed, as the space is needed for much more important operations.
A Devil (Devil, programmer and security consultant). No, not Satan himself, just a regular ordinary devil-type entity. Note, this particular devil does not have blue eyes.
This evil purple thing (Evil, target, evil, evil, purple). Something to shoot at after a day of hard work coding the story of Gruntwilligar into a web page. This thing is evil. Kill it. Kill it.
Grudnuk in Extremis Cabal, Terra (Kul Teng, Gr'l'dd'ck, The One that Resonates and Oscillates and Filters and goes "Duuf", the Source of the "Amen Brother" Break, the God of Funk, programmer) Don't dare not try to not comprehend this. Bunnng.
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