Mai FuNNy StuPh
HoW TooH GeT RiD oF a BLiND DaTe ( i haD a LoT (55) BuT i OnLee
COuLD FiT 24.
FaRt FreQuENTLy ANd LouDLy. BoW
ORdER YeR FooD By THE CoLoR aNd ScuLPt oR MaKE PICTuReS
PaSS THE HaT oR BaSKeT (like in church) iN ThE RESTuRaNt. UsE PRoCeeDs (iF
ANY) To
PaY FeR ThE MEaL.
DiScuSS BoiLs, LeSiONs, WaRTs.. ETc. As oF FroM PeRsoNaL
EXPERiENcE.
sLiDE UNdER ThE TaBLE AND TaKE ThE FooD WitH You.
HuM. LouDLy.iN MoNoToNe.
LiCK YoUR PLaTe. OFFeR To LiCK TheiRs
BeG YeR DaTe To TaTToO YER NaME oN ThErE BUTT. KeeP BriNGiNG ThE SuBJeCt
UP.
ExCuSE YeRSeLF To Go To ThE RESTrooM. GET aNotHeR TaBLe ANd WeN YeR daTe
FiNdS You, AsK ThEM WhaT TooK TheM So LoNg iN ThE BaTHrooM.
TaKe a BreAK, Go INTO ThE BaTHrooM. wEN YooH RETuRN, ThroW a SPaRe PAiR
oF
UNdiEs oN THE TaBLe Sew ThEy CaN AiR OuT.
ChEW WiTH YeR MoutH OPeN aND TaLK WitH YeR MoutH FuLL.
WiPE YER NoSeoN YeR DaTeS SLeeVe. TwiCe.
ReaPeaT EveRY ThiRD ThiRD WerD YoU SeY seY.
StaRe aT YeR DaTeS NeCK aND GriND YeR TeeTH LouDLY.
ORdEr a BuCKeT oF LARd. StAND uP EveRY FiV eMinUteS aNd CiRcLE ThE TaBLe
WitH
ArMs OuTStreTcHED MaKinG AiRPLaNE SOuNDs.
TwiTCH. WeN aSKeD ABOuT iT, PreTeND YOU DoNt KnoE wAt TheiR TALKinG ABOuT.
ReaD a MaGAZiNe oR NewSPaPeR DuRiNg ThE MeaL. iGNoRe YeR DaTe. MaKE FuNNY
FaCeS aT OtHeR PaTroNs, TheN SNeeR aT tHeiR ReaCtioNs.
CoLLeST aLL tHe SaLT ShaKErS from OtheR TaBLeS ANd MaKE a BiG TowER/
ORdER a BuCKeT oF LaRd.
DrooL.
aSK FeR CraYoNS To CoLoR ThE PLaCe MAT. ThiS WeRKS BesT aT FaNcY
ReStuRaNts
WitH LiNeN PLaCE MaTs.
aSK NeigHBORiNg PEoPLe FoR FooD oF THeiR PLaTeS.
FiLL YeR PoCKets WitH SuGaR PACKeTs, SaLT SHaKeRs, SiLVeR WaRe...
etc...
ANeEThiNG THaT iSNt BoLteD DoWN.
FeeD IMaGiNarY FrieNDs oR doLLs YouVe BrougHT ALoNG.
BriNG a BuCKeT. ExPLaiN ThAt You FreQueNTLy geT iLL.
Email: sweethonesty@angelfire.com
