December 25, 1996

Merry Christmas to me! hahaha . Well a lot is going on, Ike Tay and Zac and the rest of the Hanson clan came home last month from recording MON (Middle of Nowhere) Tay looks so different, almost like Ike did when he came back from vacation a couple of years back. I’m so proud of my best friend. They went to their grandparents in Oregon for Christmas a couple of weeks ago. I gave Ike a silver ring, Tay a necklace with a cross on it, and Zac a pair of the brightest yellow pants I could find. I know the little bugger likes bright shinny things. He reminds me of a cat. They are going to be so busy this coming year. School is going pretty good. Hmmm I can’t think of much more to write.

Isaac flipped a few pages in her journal.

March 14, 1997

Today is Taylor’s fourteenth birthday. We had a huge surprise party for him over here. The look on his face was priceless. Ike had convinced him that they had to stop over here to get a present for him. Ike had told Taylor that I was sick and really wanted to give him his present. HA sick my foot. Excited frazzled yes, sick no. Taylor walked in and Ike called my name just like we had said. Everyone yelled and his eyes went wide and he fell right on his butt. (man this will be something to sell to the teen mags when they get real hot!! hahaha) I’m still laughing. I have been all night.

On the depressing side I went to the doctor yesterday. They think I might have cancer. I won’t tell Ike if I do....

Ike put the journal down and started to cry.

“Ike, man, you okay?” Tay climbed the stairs to his brother his hair still dripping from the shower. He hugged his brother tightly and started to read the page that lay open in front of him.

...I might have cancer, I won’t tell Ike if I do. He and his brothers are getting to realize their dream!! I’m so proud and excited for them. I can’t ruin it for them. They deserve everything that is coming to them. They don’t need this extra weight on them.

“It wasn’t fair, Taylor. She didn’t tell me!” Ike grabbed Taylor’s rat-tail and rubbed the ends between his fingers.

“Ike, she did it for a reason.”

“But if she had I wouldn’t have told her my stupid problems I would have had more meaningful things to say to her.”

“Ike, maybe that’s why she didn’t say anything.” Zac said from the bathroom door.

“What?” He asked wiping away tears.

“Maybe she wanted to hear all of your 'stupid' problems. Maybe she just wanted to pretend with someone that everything was all right. And since you only talked to her through computer, phone, and letters she could tell you she was just fine and has far as you would know she was. And for as long as you two talked that way. Everything would be all right. She could listen to your problems and make her feel normal. If only for a little while.”

Isaac cocked his head to one side and looked at his brother who was now brushing his hair out like he hadn’t even said anything. When he has said the best thing in world he could have to his big brother.

“What have you done with my brother Zachary Walker Hanson? Who are you? Some Zac look alike.”

They all cracked up.

“It’s me, Ike. I’ve just been maturing right under your nose.”

“You got that right.”

“We all better get to bed we have to be up early for the shoot.” Taylor said getting down on his bunk, and Zac getting into his bed.

“Good night everyone.”

Ike woke up in the middle of the night and went downstairs and took the journals with him. He sat down at the kitchen table and began to read.

April 12, 1997

This summer we all get to go to Europe, Asia, and see all of the sites and sing and get interviewed!! I am soooo excited! I absolutely can not believe how well our album is doing. I can’t believe how many fans we have. Granted most of them like Taylor or Zac. I talked to Kayle about that she said that they hadn’t come around yet. That they didn’t realize that my voice complimented Tay’s and makes it sound like it does. Without me Taylor wouldn’t be Taylor, and Zac well she said he’s cute =) I’m gonna miss her some much when we leave this May. Thank God for the written word.

March 16, 1997

Oh my god, I have cancer! There is nothing they can do. They say even with treatment I’ll live maybe two more years, I’m not gonna tell Ike until after he comes home. That should be late November early December. I’m gonna miss him...

Avery walked into the kitchen and sat next to Isaac. She couldn’t stand to see her big brother so upset. She could think of only one thing to do. She began to sing.

If I’m gone when you wake up please don’t cry

And if I’m gone when you wake up it’s not good-bye.

Don’t look back at this time as a time of heartbreak and distress

Remember me remember me. ‘Cause I’ll be with you in your dreams.

“Ikey-poos, don’t be sad. She’ll always be here with us. I just had a dream about her. It was nice. She made you smile. She wants you to be happy.” Isaac smiled.

“You are the coolest, Av.”

“You are too.” She paused and looked at him for a minute and in her best Mommy voice announced. “You go to bed mister you have an early photo shoot!”

“Yes ma’am!” Ike got up and followed his sister up the stairs.