* * * Laws of Japanese Animation * * *
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Version 4.0
Compiled and edited by
Ryan Shellito (rshellit@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu)
Darrin Bright (dbright@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu)
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered
airborn, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is
no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha
are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does
something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways. Either so quick
they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the
character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence
or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical
damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even
see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the
brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either
still-frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red
or white).
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the
'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustability
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corrallary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corrallary - Large cities are the most explosive substances
known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most
unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick
City".
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission
There is alway an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy
'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the
explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to
the Law of Inherent Combustability.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of a weapon is inversly porportional to
its size.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustability
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they
are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm
increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the
shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A
'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving
vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a
'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corrallary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they
will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corrallary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable
odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to
take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then
escape.
Third Corrallary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy
fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound
in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing
anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee
weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts
maneuvres.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo. (* Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees
and thinks all men who like this stuff need to get out more. *)
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 galons of blood. Sometimes more.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes,
loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war-machines full of
cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a
single insignifigant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things.... Like missing body parts,
or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism
The really nasty 'Bad Guys' are always skinny Americans.
#25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual Inferiority
The stupid 'Good Guys' are always big Americans.
First Corrallary - The only people who are more stupid than the big
dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred
to as the Green Line Effect)
Second Corrallary - The only people who are more stupid than the
American translators are the American editors and censors.
#26 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
(from a_hicks@lvc.edu and utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at
which they are speaking.
#27 - Law of Feline Mutation
(from a_hicks@lvc.edu)
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any
#28 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
(from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a
single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
#29 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
(from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely
proportional to its complexity.
#30 - Law of Melee Luminescence
(from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or
violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is
usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed
to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#31 - Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism
(from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu)
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on
destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
