Things You Would NEVER Hear A Redneck Say

38. Duct tape won`t fix that.

37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

36. Come to think of it, I`ll have a Heineken.

35. We don`t keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can`t feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pick-up, it`s not safe.

30. Wrasslin`s fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We`re vegetarians.

27. Do you think my hair is too big?

26. I`ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, do these bonsai trees need watering?

24. Who`s Richard Petty?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn`t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I`ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I`ve got it all on a floppy disk.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiancee, Betty Jo, is registered at Tiffany`s.

11. I`ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She`s too old to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here`s an episode of `Hee Haw` that we haven`t seen.

5. I don`t have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

And the #1 thing you would NEVER hear a redneck say--

1. Elvis who?