You might be a redneck if...
You might be a redneck if... You ever cut your grass
and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You view the upcoming family reunion as a chance
to meet women.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the
Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene
concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
You refer to the time you won a free case of motor
oil as "the day my ship came in."
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave the
bingo hall because of her language.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were
born.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
There are more than five McDonald's bags currently
in the floorboard of your car.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom
door.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your
in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over
a hunting dog.
Your considered an expert on wormbeds.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
You've ever financed a tatoo.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People hear your car a long time before they see
it.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken
with a freak of nature.
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut
off.
You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name
on an overpass.
Your pocket knife often doubles as a toothpick.
You own a denim leisure suit.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room
floor and nobody notices.
Your family tree does not fork.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You show your boyfriend you really love him by carving
his name on your arm.
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around
because of bridge clearance restrictions.
You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out
of a message that begins, "For a good time call...."
You ever hit on somebody in a V.D. clinic.
Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
You bought a VCR because wrestling is on while your
at work.
After the Prom you drove the truck while your date
hit road signs with beer bottles.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during
Christmas dinner.
All of your four letter words are two syllables.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You cut your toenails in front of company.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Hitchhikers won't get in the car with you.
You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic
thoughts.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You can spit without opening your mouth.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your father made it.
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
You've ever been fired from a construction job because
of your appearance.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You've ever cleaned fish in your living room.
You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You actually know which kind of leaves make the best
substitute for toilet paper.
Your life's ambition is to own a fireworks stand.
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