Confucious Say

"Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed."

"Man trapped in pantry have butt in jam."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"Woman who pounce on dead rooster go down on limp cock."

"Man who buy drowned cat must pay for stinking wet pussy."

"Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."

"Those who quote me are fools."

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

"Put rooster in freezer to get a stiff cock."

"Man with no legs bums around."

"Man who pull out too fast leave rubber."

"Confucius say too God damn much!"

"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."

"Ok for Crap to happen . . . will decompose."

"When in doubt, whip it out."

"Woman who wear G-string, high on crack!"

"War doesn't determine who's right, war determines who's left."

"Girl who marry detective must kiss dick."

"Man have more hair on chest than woman - but on the whole woman have more."

"Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy."

"Sailor who gets discharged from navy leave buddies behind."

"No difference between man and mouse - both end up in pussy."

"Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs."

"Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!"

"He who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser."

"While others are inside sitting down, you will be outstanding."

"Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!"

"It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."

"Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."

"Man who bounce woman on bed spring this spring have offspring next spring."

"Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky."

"Man who masturbate into cash register, soon come into money."

"Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."

"Man who drive like hell bound to get there!"

"Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"

"Man who lose key to girlfriend's apartment get no new-key!"

"Man who stand on toilet is high on pot!"

"Secretary not permanent until screwed on desk."

"Naked man fears no pick pocket."

"Man who masturbate only screwing himself."

"The hand that turneth the knob opens the door."

"Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk."

"Man trapped in sewer eat crap and die."

"He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep."

"Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands."

"He who chases cars will soon get exhausted."

"Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn."

"He who sniffs coke drowns."

"Man who pee into wind get wet."

"Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons"

"Never eat yellow snow."

"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."

"He who lives in glass house dresses in basement."

"Man with one chopstick go hungry."

"Man who go to bed with diarrhoea wake up in deep crap."

"Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time."

"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."

"Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be shiftless bastard."

"Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!!"

"Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand."

"Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders."

"Elevator smell different to midget."

"He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise."

"He who sleep with itchy bum, he will wake with smelly thumb."

"He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts."

"He who stands on toilet seat is high on pot; and he who sniffs Coke, drowns."

"Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself."

"Man who lose key to apartment not get new key."

"Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner."

"Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose."

"Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."

"Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion."

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

"Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup."

"Woman who put detergent on top shelf jump for Joy."

"Man with one chopstick go hungry."

"Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep crap."

"Man trapped in sewer eat crap and die."

"Hockey player on ice have big stick."

"Man who go to McDonald's eat out stinky meat."

"Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off."

"Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end."

"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."

"Man who drop watch in toilet have crappy time."

"Man trapped in pantry have butt in jam."

"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."

"Virgin like balloon. One prick, all gone."

"Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."

"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"

"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."

"Man with no legs bums around."

"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."

"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."

"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache."

"Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"

"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."

"Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."

"Man who sit on tack get point!"

"Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"

"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"