If you are like most web-surfers, then you probably don't have a clue who I am and don't care to find out anyways. But, this is my website, and I can do whatever I want, so here for you is who I am and how my ultra-powerful, near god-like alter-ego, the Scarecrow, came into being.

It all started on a bright, sunny summer day in 1977. After 10 minutes of excruciating pain to my mother, I came into the world. I was a happy baby, but then, aren't all babies happy? I mean, you just lie around all day while others say how cute you are! You don't even have to get up to go to the bathroom! But, I digress.

After babyhood comes childhood. Oh, was I happy child, even happier than I when I was a baby. I would spend my days at school, living out my times as the perfect student that every teacher loved (and every 7-year old babe loved), and I would spend my weekends watching such educational cartoons as Transformers, G.I. Joe, Jem, He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, and (one that seems to have been forgotten about these days) Visionaries. And, if that weren't enough, the evenings were spent on the great mindless action shows of the eighties: Knight Rider, Airwolf, The A-Team, and, the granddaddy of them all, The Dukes of Hazzard. Ah, yes, it was a blissful childhood. The only thing that makes it incomplete is that my parents never took me to the theater to see Transformers: The Movie, something I am still in therapy over.

Unfortunately, after childhood comes that painful experience known to all as Junior High. Strange things started to happen to me in Junior High. All of a sudden, the girls were more interested in the athletes, and had no interest in a geek. Yes, it was in Junior High I was first branded a geek. With the girls no longer interested in me, I turned to a stimulant to dullen my pain. I just started with a little bit here and a little bit there, but soon it dominated my life. Yes, I got hooked on Star Trek. My position as perfect student no longer meant anything in the social order. I was becoming an outcast. Just when I was starting to adjust, I now had to start taking a 20 minute bus trip everyday to High School.

If Junior High was torture, then High School was pure hell. I was the only student with an above average IQ in a school full of morons. Women wouldn't give me the time of day, I was doing good in all of my classes, and to top it all off, I made an instant enemy of the Physical Education teacher. But all was not lost. My sanity was regained in the laboratory, where the science teacher would let my conduct my own bizarre experiments and watch The Flintstones on the lab's TV. But, I graduated top in my class, and all of my classmates are now stuck pumping gas for the rest of their lives.

After this, I took a semester off to lie around the house and watch every episode of Batman: The Animated Series. And then, in January of 1996, I started coming to Augustana University in sunny Camrose, Alberta. Well, it was January, so it was more Winter Wonderland than sunny. I decided that here at college, I would become more than "that geek." I would be great! I would be popular! So, I signed up to do a show on CLCR, Augustana's student radio station. My first show didn't go very well, and, as I was walking back to my dorm, a strange thing happened to me.

Augustana used to be known as the Camrose Lutheran College, so on campus is a statue of Martin Luther, founder of the Lutheran faith. As I walked past this statue, I could swear it was staring at me. I approached the statue to investigate, and it spoke to me!

The statue>> Hey, you!

Me>> Who, me?

The statue>> Ya, you! Where were you, and what were you doing there?

Me>> I just did my first radio show, but it didn't go so well. It doesn't look as though I'll be very popular.

The statue>> I know why things didn't go so well. You lack the power.

Me>> Power? What power?

The statue>> The power of chaos. For you to be a good DJ, you must embrace the chaos.

Me>> What else can this power...this chaos do for me?

The statue>> Why do you wish to do a show?

Me>> To prove to the world that geeks are cool, and to have my vengeance on those who tell me otherwise.

The statue>> The chaos can help you achieve these goals. Stand, and prepare to receive the power.

At this point, I was bathed in a mysterious purple light. I felt I weird tingle all over my body, similar to what I felt when Commander Dax wore a bikini in that episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I could feel myself changing, becoming more than I was.

Me>> I can feel the power!!

The statue>> From this day forth, whenever you use this great chaos, you shall be known as the Scarecrow!

Me>> Why Scarecrow?

The statue>> Because you scare people! Look at you, you talk to statues! Nothing scares people more than that!

Me>> Thank you, o great piece of bronze shaped like a human! I am the Scarecrow!

The statue>> Now get out of here! I have a date with the Venus De Milo.

The next week, I re-christened my show Chaos in a Box, in honor of the power. And since then, every Wednesday at 9 PM on CLCR, I, the Scarecrow, use my great power to prove to the world that geeks are cool. But now, in the fall of 1997, I have used my great power once again. Now, in conjunction with my show, I also do Chaos in Print: The Further Adventures of the Scarecrow in the Dag, Augustana's student paper. I spread my gospel, showing the world that geeks are people too!

Things are getting back to the way they were in my happy childhood, now. I spend my days in class, living out my times as the perfect student that every professor loves. I spend weekends watching such educational cartoons as Superman, Gargoyles, Pinky and the Brain, and the much under-appreciated Samurai Pizza Cats. And, my evenings are spent watching such great science-fiction shows as Star Trek (all generations), The X-Files, and The Visitor. I am still a lang ways away from having all the babes drool over me again, but hey, that's life for The Scarecrow.

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