BtVS Horoscopes

Aquarians are usually friendly, honest and loyal. You guys excel at team sports and enjoy wearing speedos. On your bad days you can be contrary, perverse and unpredictable. Anything inflatable amuses you.

Forecast: This is your year to shine! Prepare to lead your colleagues/team mates to victory!!!
Words of Advice: Beware water, obsessed coaches and steroids. Also: keep a lookout for mysterious ways to die.

Aries
The Ram
March 21 to April 20

You are courageous leaders with a genuine concern for those you command, but will not hesitate to use your subordinates to obtain your own objectives. Arians are liable to have a high sex drive and make passionate but fastidious lovers although some may describe you as necrophiliacs or impotent trolls. Arians are usually bald and tend to be bullied by school librarians.

Prediction: Expect to be dispensed of shortly.
Words of Advice: Watch out for Joss's eraser.

Cancer
The Crab
June 22 to July 22

Cancerians range from timid, dull, shy and withdrawn to the most brilliant, and famous humans. They enjoy being alone but can be very sociable at times. They have a basically home based life and keep their houses as places of warmth and security rather than as showcases. Company plates spend a lot of time in their cellar. Both the Cancerian man and woman love unreservedly, giving much and asking little in return. Their children always grow up to be Slayers.

Prediction: Your friends will always try to kill you.
Words of Advice: Don't invite any undead into your home.

Capricorn
The Goat
December 22 to January 20

The Capricornian is one of the most stable and serious of the zodiacal types. Master of self discipline, you expect nothing less from others. You have been known to don protective gear and have young girls attack you on school property. In your personal relationships you are often ill-at-ease and have sat through football games in valiant attempts to understand your mate.

Prediction: You will soon have a new child to teach and instruct.
Words of Advice: Watch out for the really big books and always carry a brace with you.

Gemini
The Twins
May 21 to June 21

Geminis are dual-natured, elusive, complex and contradictory. You carry around crosses which could destroy you and present them to girls sporting major cleavage in dark alleys. You quickly learn to use your outward attractiveness to gain your own ends and this can prove to be your down-fall. Your beauty will attract undead life. In love you are fickle and the girl you loved might become your worst enemy while the child you created might become your new lover.

Prediction: You will burn in hell for 100 years.
Words of Advice: Don't insult the guy with the horns. Also, bring a good book.

Leo
The Lion
July 23 to August 22

Leos are born under the most dominant, creative sign in the zodiac. Born leaders, there is no such word as self-control in your vocabulary. You often display extreme arrogance, autocratic pride, haughtiness and excessive hastiness of temper. When coupled with blonde hair and an english accent you are irresistable. You enjoy a passion for flair, comfort, unlimited sexual lust and emotional indulgence which will have young girls and three guys in love with you for years to come.

Prediction: You will be the subject of countless "Anywhere But Here's" Also:Spike's Spike Nuff said.
Words of Advice: Avoid the sun and anyone who's last name is Spike or belongs to the Spike Lettuce Cult. Ie: Angellic Spike

Libra
The Scales
September 23 to October 22

There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air during the Libra sign as the fall harvest is over and the world's heavy buzzing has simmered away. That's why most Librans are so easygoing and gentle. Librans are usually quite intelligent and although test rather well, spend too much time daydreaming to succeed without effort. You enjoy music and might play an instrument, beauty where others neglect it and color in your life and hair.

Prediction: In between your "time of the month," you will hunt down and kill undead people.
Words of Advice: Avoid silver bullets and further bites.

Pisces
The Fish
February 20 to March 20

On the one side you are quite generous and friendly, but at other times you can be secretive and vague. Because of your gentle and accepting nature, you are popular with many different types of people. Because of the real world's harshness, you are also apt to live a shiftless sort of life, always seeking to escape reality and trying to create different personas for yourself. All pisceans are descended from gypsy tribes and capable of casting curses at will.

Prediction: Your death will not be a permanent one. You will return later as a spirit, creature of the night or frog. 0:-)
Words of Advice: Witness Protection Program

Sagittarius
The Archer
November 23 to December 21

Sagittarians are blindly optimistic - full of energy, adventurous and eager to experience new things. This optimism is also your downfall as you always expect the best and never prepare for the worse. Rather than face problems, you might try to evade them by running away. While most sagittarians have a desire to experience beyond what is physically familiar whithout regards to other's feelings, you can be regarded as irresponsible and superficial

Prediction: Your actions will finally catch up to you...those who were so eager to forgive in the past will not any longer.
Words of Advice: Tread lightly and carry a big stick.

Scorpio
The Scorpion
October 23 to November 22

Determined and forceful, you are one of the stronger signs on the zodiac. Your emotions are not always visible to others and you can erupt at the slightest provocation. Although rumored to be deep and thoughtful, most Scorpios are compulsive and obstinate. They may take stands on such silly things as the color of dress their friends should wear or the lettering on their license plates. Also jealous, they might be driven to bursts of rage at girls who are in a coma.

Prediction: Slimy, icky mosters will continue to show up and touch you 0:-)
Words of Advice: Buy jeans - not the designer ones you can't walk through mud in - buy hard jeans and this time hurt the vampyres instead of having them hurt you.

Taurus
The Bull
April 21 to May 20 You possess extreme determination and strength of will -no one can force you to anything but you will gladly bend your will to that of someone you perceive to be better than you. You can at times be brooding and carry grudges for centuries at a time. Anyone who ruins your pretty dresses must be killed. You are harshly devoted to your friends but only if they are of the same rank or higher than your own. Those who are sick, ill or incomplete are not worthy of you.

Prediction: You will have to realise what you possess and cease to hurt those who love you most.
Words of Advice: Avoid the sun and all Spike Girls.

Virgo
The Virgin
August 23 to September 22
Virgo is the only sign represented by a female. They are dedicated to the cleanliness of the soul and are not above having demons invade their body and make their heads spin in an effort to "save" other souls. Modest and shy, Virgos can at times conceal their emotions and become over-worried. They tend to brood and might harbor a secret love for years rather than reveal it and procure possible scorn. Although thorough, hard working and conscientiousness, virgos lose their sense of worth quickly and often suffer from low self esteem.

Prediction: The world is yours to accept and instruct.
Words of Advice: Learn Latin. You can never be too sure of what those demons are saying when channeling through your body.