All You Need to Know
The Natural Process
Who and What You Really Are
Living as That,
This is an understanding of the "spiritual" lessons taught by Papaji and others.
THE ONLY ISSUE IS... ALWAYS BEING THE INSTANT.
This requires continuous awareness of the ever-present moment
and an understanding that any thoughts of self, my future and my past, etc,
are distractions keeping you away from knowing and expressing your true, natural, unconditioned SELF.
ONE EXPERIENCES A QUIET, CALM, INNOCENT, TRUSTING, STATE OF BEING,
EXPECTING NOTHING YET TOTALLY FULFILLED IN EVERY MOMENT.
(Like a child but not losing the wisdom that experience teaches us.)
Papaji generally says:
1) Keep Quiet.
i.e. keep the thinking mind quiet
2) Don't think.
Do not let a thought arise...
If it does...recognise it as a thought not my thought.
3) Make no effort.
Call off the search.
Be finished, (healed, completed, enlightened and all those other concepts) NOW !!!
The "goal" is always here now (the kingdom is at hand, not coming at some imagined time in the future... the future is just an idea the only time we are alive is now, now, now.
Be finished now. Stop searching or practicing for some imagined result at some future time when you will finally get spiritual (or something) enough that you will then be finished.
The idea or promise being that when you finally do enough and get finished you can at last relax (having made it to the top).
Relax right now...
You have always been at the top and can't be anywhere else....
There isn't anywhere else.
"You" as an ego can only imagine that there is something to do and some means of doing it and something to be achieved, and some point of purity, wholesomeness, wisdom, knowledge or something that you can reach...
This is all conceptual and belief based.
Life lives by itself as itself. It does not need our concepts to help it.
Our concepts and in particular our searching for a better future...more money, more spiritual, totally enlightened ...
lead us away from ourselves as the present.
Our concepts are the reason for much unnecessary suffering and seeking and effort.
They have their place... they help us build houses and make medicines etc, etc.
Our concepts are good servants but cruel masters.
Perhaps the advice to those in the west is:
When you have finished using your thinking mind.........please turn it off !!!!!
It doesn't make sense to our normal way of thinking in the west but then again very few people in the west (or here) are truly peaceful and yet fully alive and spontaneous.
This is a necessity because if you stop the talking mind planning and thinking about an imagined future then you are again as a little child, letting the universe care for you and put helpful intuitions in the heart/mind which you can act on...... amazing but it seems to work.
Seek ye first (and constantly in every moment) the kingdom (silent mind/heart) and all else will be added.
Also "seeking" the kingdom of the quiet heart/mind is the only thing to be "done" at all.
It is not actually a doing but a commitment to stop doing/thinking.
If there is a constant vigilance and quietness,
Then there is a realisation that you have always lived there.
(and that there isn't anywhere/when else except in human imagination).
The egoic idea that we are staying alive and prospering by our own efforts is, again, just an idea, an unsubstantiated belief that we have (... or that has us).
This idea, closely allied to our self concept (another network of ideas and memories) produces fear... because we think that if we do not make the right decisions then our lives will turn out badly.
Papaji calls this the arrogance of the ego.
When did we decide to breathe, digest, grow, remember, even think or want to stop thinking???
Everything happens by itself.
This is not to be believed or disbelieved - both are useless.
Only you can discover this for yourself.
Only you can directly experience truth as peace, always here now.
It's a choice of a way of being in the world.
This way of being is no better nor worse than any other.
Much Love ... Keith / Swaraja
A Bit About "Me"
Hi...I’m Keith from Western Australia...
A 42 year old man with an 11 year old daughter, Amy.
I love mysticism.
I am also rather naughty and find it a bit hard to take life seriously.... How about y’all?
A favourite quote from Alan Watts...
"I take my spirituality sincerely but not seriously."
Another is..."Only nothing is truly holy". - Source unknown
I popped off to India on 28th of March 1996 to see Papaji in Lucknow. He awakened with Shri Ramana Maharshi about forty years ago at Arunachala. He is now 86 years old and a great teacher.
I have found his teachings to be the eye of the needle...or the end of the line where all separation and ideation drops into silence and stillness and the joy of Tao...
I live in a town of about 40,000 people 200-km (120 miles) south of Perth in western Australia.
It has beaches and forests nearby, a Mediterranean climate and is a great place to live and raise children...not to mention to be a child myself.
I am a somewhat eccentric dude who dresses in sarongs and walks barefoot through this somewhat conservative town...raising eyebrows, smiles, laughter, envy, interest, etc., etc., etc.
I feel free of so many of the social and interpersonal restrictions that appear to bind many of my fellow travellers on this planet. Thank God.
Not only that but also this.....
I have been interested in mysticism and India for about 22 years now.
I have collected lectures gone on retreats, done much personal growth
work...e.g.psychodrama, many therapies, rebirthing etc., etc.
0n 12-12-95 my 39th birthday I attempted suicide by an overdose of pills.
Before I split I said to a picture of Sai Baba near my bed...I’m out...no more
of this for me...if you want this one here on the planet it’s up to you...
Next thing I’m looking at ambulance men’s boots
Earned myself a week in hospital under close supervision
Discovered that in conventional parlance I suffer from clinical depression and
found something that controls it...hooray!!!!! (Zoloft 200mg daily)
Now all is peaceful and flow...
India and Papaji is about ending all attachment
to self concept...
It is the best teaching I have come across.
It is really the end of the line as a seeker and even as a human
Once the self-concept goes and thinking dies down there is only pure being
Totally unquestionable...(as there is no questioner)
India has many of the best teachers available so I go there.
It feels as thought this one has no choice
but to follow the heart and go ...this was my third visit...
Some of the people who stay near Papaji are very bright lights themselves and
To be able to share coffee and chat and laughter with them is a great blessing.
Much love to you and yours....
Keith/Swaraja/nameless being in mystery as mystery/???...
RSVP...how about some of your biodata...hmmm...
Some "Personal" or Should That Be "Transpersonal" .... History
Dearest Papaji, Wednesday, 5/5/96
I have been here in Lucknow for about 7 weeks.
This is my third visit to see you. Previously I came in 1991/2 for three weeks, then in 1993/4 for three months, some of this time was on the Gangaji tour and now I am present again for three months.
I am certain that keeping quiet is the only thing to do.
I am sometimes very noisy on the outside but inside quietness rules.
I seem to have a gnana relationship to you (as form) and a representative of truth in the perceptual realm.
I see many bhaktas devoted to your physical form and again the truth it represents.
I am staying with David Godman and Almira near your house.
I have been reading David's book ... "Nothing Ever Happened."
I read that you like to hear people's experiences of their search and I want to share "the movie so far."
At about 6 years of age I was pondering how people were different yet somehow the same. The image came to me of people being like islands. They appear to be separate when viewed from sea level but under the water they are all connected. This satisfied me and I thought no more about such things.
I have been interested in the spiritual search since I was about 18 years old.
I first read "Transcendental Meditation" by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi then began visiting teachers and reading and listening to satsangs and lectures on all things spiritual. This has continued until now, twenty two years later.
At age 18 I first tried LSD. I experienced God as white light. Communicating with God then moving closer to, and finally being absorbed by, God. Realising myself as God ( Supreme Being) then I became all things in the created universe, being the totality and yet experiencing simultaneously all apparent individuality as if "from the inside." Here there were no questions because I was everything. Finally nothingness took over, as in deep sleep. Later I gradually returned to "normal consciousness."
I tried LSD a few times more but never was anything of this intensity repeated.
I thought "LSD has shown me the possibility, now it is time to do the work."
So more meditation and satsangs with many different teachers.
While meditating at age 18 two white light entities came to me and allowed me to experience the ecstasy of an inner pure, white light.
One telepathically said :
" You see/feel this ? This is your soul. Every other being has this inside them".
They left and I entreated them to let me taste the light a little more, they returned briefly and allowed me a little more ecstasy.
When I returned to my "normal" state the only model I had to explain such an occurrence was schizophrenia. My mother was diagnosed schizophrenic and spent most of her adult life in an asylum. Going insane was my greatest fear so I stopped meditating immediately.
I still could not stop my interest in spirituality and sometime later told a Mahayana Buddhist teacher of the experience... he said "That's good. That was a Nimata (or sign). You should ask them back."
I was greatly relieved to see there was another model of explanation and again began meditating but no more such experiences came.
I was attracted to the simplicity of Theravada Buddhism breath meditation and felt " Good ! There is no visualisation or mental creation from "me."
"I" can now relax and witness the natural arising and falling of the breath."
I still find this enjoyable and relaxing but since meeting you and hearing your message enjoy the experience of the breath for what it is rather than expecting a future result.
At age 30 I had an intense rebirthing session.
I had previously had some mild mystical experiences with rebirthing. This was a very vigorous session going on for about 45 minutes of deep, fast breathing. Towards the end of the session I thought :
"Even though this is the most vigorous rebirthing I have done nothing is happening. Oh well, I guess we'll finish eventually and I will have lunch."
Soon after this thought we were instructed to just breathe normally.
I was immediately plunged into the blackest, blackest, black (colour) that I had experienced, as if in starless space. In the distance was a Buddha form which appeared to be made up of smoke, gently swaying back and forth as if a mild breeze was blowing the smoke to and fro.
From the Buddha came the strongest bolt of love I have ever experienced.
It was totally overwhelming. A message also came...
" You don't have to do anything. I love you exactly as you are."
This was truly unconditional acceptance.
I burst into tears of love and relief and joy and cried deeply and continuously for about half an hour. (Then I got up and had lunch!)
At about age 35 I took a year off work for travel. Although I was afraid of travelling in Asia and India I felt a strong pull to go there.
On Tioman island, off Malaysia, I had a series of devotional dreams again with much love and crying in them. The final dream was of me telling another person about how much I appreciated and loved the teachings of Alan Watts. As I looked away from the person Alan Watts appeared to me, smiling and enjoying the fact that I appreciated his teachings. He didn't say anything but took a breath and began to blow air in my direction. As the air hit me I experienced another flash of the same inner white light that the two beings had shown me when I was 18. It was instantly recognisable. I awoke at 3am and enjoyed the afterglow of the experience.
At the end of this year of travel I was sitting in Kopan Monastery in Nepal when I overheard a woman saying...
" I have just had a profound experience of my depth."
I immediately asked her about it. She was a British woman named Anuragini and told me of your address in Lucknow. I came to your satsang soon after via Varanasi.
I heard your message clearly...
"KEEP QUIET!!! MAKE NO EFFORT!!! DO NOT STIR A THOUGHT!!!
I knew this was true and the only thing to do/ not do.
I stayed three weeks then returned to Australia and work via New Zealand thinking that I was totally enlightened...( I am embarrassed to say).
I was "on fire with the spirit" and touched several people at some spiritual level.
After some months in Australia I suffered a very severe case of clinical depression.
I could not work and spent about 6 months lying down fighting off incessant thoughts of committing suicide. I visited a psychiatrist who prescribed some medication... this only made things worse...I felt that only a trip to India might save me from suicide.
Just before I left Australia I had another extremely powerful vision/experience that occurred while I was asleep.
"I" as un-namable but individual being was travelling down infinite rollercoaster like waves of pure white ecstatic light. The ecstasy was overwhelming and rose and fell in intensity with the waves of light. The light path seemed infinitely long in both directions. Off to the "sides" were opportunities to exit the light and enter something.
When the intensity of the ecstasy was lower a "thought" occurred...
"I wonder what is off to the side?"
Immediately the Being that was travelling on the rollercoaster of light was incarnated into a life which was lived as an individual. At death the individual finished and the Being was once again riding the infinite ecstatic light.
The Being or "I" tried several incarnations first as curiosity then as play or fun.
The sense of the being and the light was INFINITELY MORE REAL than any of the incarnations... and it appeared as though there were infinitely many incarnations so there was no point in trying to experience them all.
In the last exit I tried I was incarnated into this current life as this body/personality called Keith Nightingale. At the incarnation I awoke in the back of my landrover where I had fallen asleep (again at about 3am) and was astonished as I could still feel the reality of the ecstasy/light and the dreamlike quality of the bodily incarnation.
I spontaneously wished that I could share this experience with all beings.
Immediately after the experience a vision of an old Buddhist monk occurred saying:
"Let it go."
I thought this was very good and appropriate advice and thankfully did not cling to the memory of the ecstatic light nor try to recreate it or "return" to it.
I fled to India looking for a saviour. I visited Sai Baba, Ramana Ashramam, Ammaji, Prem Ananda finally I returned to YOU in Lucknow. I told you of my depression and you said...
"You got it from others." (I work as a counsellor / psychologist.) "You are here for three months...don't worry it will be fixed. Report to me before you leave."
Later I went touring with Gangaji.
I called in to pay respects and report to you at satsang on my way home to Australia. I asked for a name and you called me Swaraja..."One who has mastered the mind."
I truthfully reported that all was well. I also realised deeply that if there was an I who could attain anything I was missing the moment. Nothing was to be touched.
I surrendered my past, my future, any conception of myself, any conception of spirituality... or realised without doubt that they are just concepts, images and noises in the head which bear little or no relationship to the ever present now.
Again I returned to Australia and work. All was well for about six months. I planned to come and see you in my Christmas holidays and bring a friend with me. We bought airline tickets and made all arrangements to travel to India. Then another depression began and I was no longer capable of the journey. Soon I was overwhelmed by another severe episode of clinical depression. Again I could not work, saw the psychiatrist and tried a new medication. I fought the depression off as best I could but after about four months of incessant suicidal thoughts and desire for total and eternal peace or escape I actually attempted suicide by taking sleeping pills and wrapping my head in plastic hoping to suffocate.
Before I took the pills I said to a picture of Sai Baba ...
" That's it!!! I'm out!
If you want this body for anything then its up to you. I'm definitely out!!!"
A woman friend of mine who is very still, quiet and psychic came to visit next morning and realised what had happened...she got another friend to break into the house, called the ambulance and took me to hospital. She also helped me during my six month recovery phase. ( I invited her to India to see you but she dissolves in nature and feels that the Australian bush is the place for her.)
As I returned to health I did much research on clinical depression. It seems to be genetic and often comes on intensely in middle age. It appears as though the brain does not allow enough neurotransmitters (serotonin and norepinepherine) to be present at the synapses...(the gaps between individual nerve cells) and so the brain does not function properly...the result being the signs and symptoms called clinical depression and, for one in three people who receive no treatment, completed suicide.
Luckily a new form of antidepressant (SSRI) allows normal levels of serotonin and norepinepherine to be present at the synapses and so the brain can function normally.
I have been taking these daily for 18 months and all is well. (I will probably have to have a daily dose for the rest of my life, I do not mind this in the least. The other alternative seems to be a living hell and finally death by my own hand.
It appears this disease is like diabetes in that if you do not keep up the normal level of one of the body's essential chemicals (insulin for diabetes and serotonin for clinical depression) then the body/mind suffers becomes ill and dies.
I know that spiritually that dark night(s) of the soul are sometimes seen as necessary but I feel that clinical depression is something quite different.
I have a tape called "The bite of the Black Dog."
(Winston Churchill used to suffer this and called it his black dog)
It has the latest research and interviews with those who have been to the edge and lived to tell the tale.
You are most welcome to a copy... my feeling is that a few people from the satsang family may be suffering this disease and not aware that a biochemical remedy is available. One way to determine if the depression is a genetic disease is to ask if others in the sufferer's biological family suffer depression or have committed suicide.
For example my grandfather committed suicide and my mother was hospitalised probably with psychotic depression most of her adult life.
Another person from satsang I was talking to had their father, uncle and brother commit suicide.
Do you have any comments???
A Letter to Papaji - One of My Teachers
Now I am certain (in my head, heart, guts and all of my being) that Keith Nightingale, Papaji, Spirituality, Enlightenment, past experiences, future possibilities, instructions, getting it, not getting it, not getting it yet...but maybe later , etc, etc are all merely concepts or perceptions, noises and pictures in the head.
So "I" keep quiet.
There is nothing else to do.
A friend and teacher said to me:
"At some point you must decide that you are finished.
Then if you ever catch yourself in the bad habit of trying to get finished just stop it and keep quiet in the moment."
This is the current state of being.
When I read of undeniable and eternal experiences of truth as one's experience and SELF recognition I think there is still a flutter of doubt along the lines of ...
"Sure... you know definitely what you are not ... good... now keep quiet and FINALLY you will know who/what you are."
This FINALLY seems a problem....
Again to entertain this notion is to create a future and therefore a self....
(no matter how nebulous) who will eventually have this final, undeniable experience/knowing/being/realisation.
Can you help this one burst this bubble for once and for all ?
With Love and Respect... Swaraja
P.S. Early Sunday morning, 12th of May, 1996,
You appeared to me in a dream.
Nothing was said by you.
We spontaneously hugged each other and I said " Papaji."
With this I awoke and felt relieved, blessed and peaceful.
I also am getting the strange feeling that nothing is ever happening.
I also include a response to my 9 year old daughter Amy and her mother's request to know what I am studying here in India.
Dear Amy, you don't have to understand any of this... or even believe it.
Kids do all this naturally, it is us adults who have forgotten how to live simply and simply live.
Also, on belief, my advice as your father is :
Don't believe anyone.
Listen to everyone,... then find out the truth for yourself.
Don't BELIEVE others ... find out for yourself and KNOW the truth.
This was also the Buddha's advice it has served me well I hope it serves you well too.
People will usually tell you what they believe...but they (often) are wrong!!!
What people believe, no matter how many people believe it nor how strongly they believe it, is (often) not true.
Belief bears no relationship to the truth at all.
Not only are other people's beliefs sometimes mistaken but also your own beliefs can be mistaken as well. You can really, totally believe something...but... it is not true !!!
It is possible and pleasant to live your whole life without any beliefs at all.
I have no beliefs at all and I'm doing just fine.
Usually other people think they are helping you by telling you what they believe is true, but there are many misguided people who even though they are trying to help you actually can lead you astray. It's a case of the blind leading the blind.....
Your job is to learn to see for yourself...
( to know or be the truth yourself... rather than believe anybody or anything)
if anyone asks you...
you can point them in the right direction and ideally, teach them to see for themselves.
Finally they can know or be their own truth by themselves, independent of you and anyone else.
Much love, hugs and kisses and bounces off Orion, Dad.
Fledglings or Spiritual "Yes buts"
Every fledging must take it's own personal leap of faith
As the "responsible" fledgling, who is about to fly wonders
Who will keep my brothers and sisters warm if I leave the nest
My parents will be upset if I go…
In leaving and flying in harmony with it's own unfolding nature ,
the parents are joyous and the others learn that they too can fly if they leave the nest
Every fledgling must take the leap of faith never knowing whether it will fly or not
Nature pulls and pushes it out of the nest –
through fear –
to exhilaration –
and the living out of its natural abilities...
flying for fledglings
existing as pure consciousness for humans
interested in this style of living.
Keith Nightingale / Swaraja
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