Andrew James Mullin was my best friend in the whole world...we had our share of fights and arguments, but we always managed to make up and be friends...I used to tell him everything, from the usual "I watched so-and-so on TV last night," to some very deep thoughts... During June of 1998, him and I were very close...although the majority of my other friends didn't approve of him, calling him "Drop-out" and "Junkie," I stood by him and always defended him. We spent many nights (and the occasional day) sitting on his front porch, sipping iced tea, and watching the cars go by (well, there was not much else we could do) with his brother Dan and my now boyfriend, Mike. The four of us hung out a lot and we had many adventures together... He knew everything about me, and I knew everything about him...at least I thought that I did. The last time I saw him, it was a rainy Wednesday evening. I had spent a few hours at the Homecoming Fair with him, Nicole Meta, and Lisa Durfee. I left, with the intentions of going to sleep. I got a phone call from Jason Dill, someone that I'm not too fond of, who wanted me to come over to Andrew's to hang out with them. So I went over...and I left a few hours later because Dill was hitting on me and he was pissing me off. I walked home (about 2 blocks) in the pouring down rain...The next morning I had band camp at the High School, so I was up bright and early at 7am. At about noon, we were getting ready to break for lunch when all of a sudden Darcie (my other best friend) came running at me from nowhere. She was crying, and even though it was a rather common sight with her, I was concerned and figured it had something to do with her mother...She grabbed me and managed to spit out "It's Andrew...he's dead!" I kind of stared at her, not understanding. "Mullin?" I said, wondering exactly who the hell she was talking about. She nodded. "He shot himself!" Then it actually registered in my mind. "But I saw him last night!" I cried. "They found him this morning," Darcie said as she tried to hug me. I started crying real hard, still not sure that I should believe her, but then again, anything was possible. I remember her dragging me into Mr. Cameron's office to get me away from the gawkers outside...Mr.Cameron and some religious guy followed us, both of them telling me that everything in life had purpose or some stupid shit like that. I don't really remember what happened after that, all I remember is that Darcie drove us in my car down to Josh Nicolls's house where I promptly broke down. There were a couple of the guys there, but it was Amanda Scott who comforted me. She kept telling me that everything would be okay, that he was out of our reach now and there was nothing we could do...As it turned out, he killed himself with the handgun that he bought a few weeks ago. From what I understand now, he was deeply depressed and kept it hidden very well. Wayne, Dan, and Mike found a few things in his room, they were like journal entries, and found out that he had been planning it for months. The next four days after that were hell for me. I quickly learned who my real friends were, and I was very thankful for everything that they had done for me. Now, with it being almost a year since then, I still have a tremendous pain in my heart. Right now I'm trying not to cry as I type this (I don't even talk about him to my friends). I suppose I'm still in denial, it seems like he's just at work or not at home, and he'll be back eventually. I'm never going to accept it fully, not until I can completely understand why he did it. I miss him more than anything in the world...there are so many things I wish I could tell him...I never got a chance to tell him that I loved him or that he was a great friend...Jesus, this really hurts... I go and "visit" him at least once a week at the Catholic Cemetary...only once did I ever talk to him. It was weird, like I was expecting him to answer me. I get scared sometimes, wondering who's going to be next (there's been a few other attempts since his) and wondering if I could actually handle another lost friend...I would give anything to have him back, but it won't happen. I think of him everyday and I know he's watching me from somewhere; I've felt his presence around me before. He knows that he's got a place in my heart for the rest of my life.