I didn’t tell anyone how I felt. How could I when everyone was so happy for me? Summer was ending and it was almost time for me to leave for college. I wished I could have stuck around for just one more year with some of my other friends who were sticking around, but my decision last summer was to graduate in June; so I did. It wasn’t until August I started getting cold feet.
What would college life be like? The residence I was moving to was a six bedroom house-like place with a common area and a bathroom. Would I like my roommate? Would I be liked by my roommates? Would I be a total nerd and spend more time at the library than at my place of residence (I couldn’t come to call it "home" or "my place")? Or would I be one of the party people who waste everything partying and get kicked out of college? Would I make friend easy? How much would I miss the friends I had right then? And my family? How would I get along without my family there everyday? No; I wasn’t ready for college. I felt like I needed just one more year at home. And just as I said already, I never told anyone. My whole family, that’s aunts and uncles and the rest of the bunch, were so proud of me, the first not to drop out or choose not to further my education. My best friend wa leaving too, but was excited. She would have only laughed in good nature at my fears and worries.
A couple of days before I had to leave I found my nine-year-old sister, my only sibling, sitting on my bed, hugging the Elmo doll that I always use to place on my pillow. I could see she was upset and decided it was my last chance for a sister-to-sister-feel-better talk. I closed the door behide me and sat next to her.
"Hey," I put my arm around her. "What’s eating you, Kiddo?"
"I don’t want you to leave!" She cried. "I don’t know what I’d do without my big sister." The tears flowed then, freely down her tiny, round, flushed, dark pink face. They fell onto Elmo’s head. I think my heart broke right then.
I gathered her up in my arms and drew her into my lap. I told her everything I had kept inside. All my fears about college and everything I was worrying about.
"So, you see," I ended with. "I’m going to feel so lost and confused without mom and dad to guild me and without you, there’s going to be a part of me missing. I wished long and hard for nine years of my life for a little sister. Now that I have her," I wiped a tear off her face with my sleeve covered hand. "I have to leave her nine years later. It isn’t fair!"
She threw her little arms around my neck, causing Elmo to fall to the carpeted floor, and cried into my shoulder. I had tried to be strong for her sake, a well as my own, but broke down. I started crying too. So there we sat for what seemed like forever, holding each other close and crying to our hearts’ content.
"Will you come home a lot?" She asked.
"As many times as I can." I responded.
"For my birthday?"
"I wouldn’t miss it for the world!" I tried to smile.
"There’ll be letters and phone calls, right?"
"Always,"
"Thank you." She smiled sweetly.
"For what?"
"For being the best big sister ever."
Thank you," My heart broke for the second time that day. "For being the best little sister ever."
We sat there talking for a little more. In our little talk my sister gave me the courage I needed for college by telling me she believed in me and hoped my dreams would come true. Out of everyone I had ever known, she was the only one I ever tried to impress. It made my heart soar to know she was proud of me, looked up to me and loved me so much.
The day I was leaving was such a hard day. I was excited, sad and already homesick. Thanks to my sister I was able to say my goodbye with more ease and less salty tears than I could have without our little talk. When it came for her part of my goodbye I hugged her tight, kissed her pretty cheek, promised I’d be only an e-mail and a phone call away and would always be willing to listen to her problems, but most importantly, I loved her with all my heart and soul.
With that I got into the car and was off. Yes, college was somewhat scary, but I was strong and brave. Who would have guessed someone could find bravery in a little girl’s heart spoken words.