I have been so lonely for so long
I ache and crave for the touch of a man,
someone who truly understands what I want,
what I need
as a woman.
I have forgotten what I am as a woman.
I have forgotten the incredible pleasures that two can share...
The excitement of sensuality and eroticism of making love.
Really making love in every sense of those two little words.
The emptiness overwhelms me to the point of tears.
Am I overly sensitive to the tremendous void that I have been feeling for years?
Damn these feelings are horrible.
I hate these feelings.
I hate to what degree my anger and frustration has taken me.
I don't know if the road I am choosing is the right one,
but I do know that the road I am on is the wrong one.
The wrong road makes me even sadder and much more lonely and frustrated.
I have often thought that at my age of 45 that my "good years" would have come and gone
and that I should just go on without the love that I need.
I should find other things to fill my void,
to fill my empty heart.
To continue on in my own bed which is always a bed made for one..
Just me and no else.
No one to feel as a I move in the middle of the night.
No flesh against my flesh.
No impromtu touches and grazes.
I could go on forever ..
There are so many "lost" nights, days...
too many to count.
I want to feel alive.
I want to feel wanted with so much explosive want and need and desire by another.
I want to feed the desires of a lover,
a special man that makes me crave him as soon as we part..
A man that I can't wait to see again..
And when I do he see's my eyes light up
just by being in the same room as he is..
I am crazy to believe that it is ever going to happen in this lifetime for me.
I am dreaming of something that will never be....
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