Ye Chickenne Thate Daerede To Crosse The Roade
Thus Shall I Enlighten the World, (as to why the damned chicken crossed the road):
- Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
- Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The
chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
- Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross
roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
1.4999999999.
- The Bible: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.
- Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?
The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
- Freud: The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.
- L.A. Police Department: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find
out.
- Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would
let it take.
- Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken
did notcross the road.
- Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
- Saddam Hussein #2: It is the Mother of all Chickens.
- Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes!
The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed it, I've not been told!
- Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to
cross roads without having their motives called into question.
- Joseph Stalin: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
- Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that
individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and, therefore,
synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
- John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
- Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning
except to him.
- Mulder: It was a government conspiracy.
- Scully: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in
chickens.
- Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.
- Darwin #2: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
- Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is
rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in
our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
- Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone
ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all
over the place anyway?
- The Pope: That is only for God to know.
- Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the
road of his own free will.
- Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.
- M.C.Escher: That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at
the time.
- George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he
was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their
interests.
- Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
- Plato: For the greater good.
- Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
- Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
- Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.
- B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its
sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would
tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
- Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the
chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
- Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed
the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
- The Sphinx: You tell me.
- Emily Dickenson: Because it could not stop for death.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
- Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
- O.J.: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
Return and all shall applaud
