DIXIE COUSINS: Brisco, put me down!

BRISCO: Okay, you look bad in a wig and you were too easy to find.

LORD BOWLER: Uh oh, you hit the sheriff.

BRISCO: Yeah, but I did not hit the deputy.

See this? This is my BOOM STICK! The 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that!?

ARTHUR: Are all men from the future loud mouth braggarts?

ASH: Nope, just me, baby. Just me.

HENRY: I am Henry the Red: Duke of Shale, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples.

ASH: Well hello, Mr. Fancypants! I've got news for you, pal. You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and shit, and Jack left town.

SHEILA: You found me beautiful once.

ASH: Honey, you got real ugly.

Hail to the king, baby.

Hey, remember this one? Baked potato baked potato, half-baked alligator, mam sham boomigator, shika waka saw!

ANNIE: The first passage will allow the demon to manifest itself in the flesh.

ASH: Why the hell would we want to do that?

ASH: I'm fine . . . I'm fine . . .

ASH'S REFLECTION: I don't think so. We just cut up our girlfriend with a chainsaw. Does that sound "fine"?

Make mine a double.
*BOOM*
When you've just emptied both barrels of a shotgun into the head of your favorite bartender, you can pretty much bet that happy hour's over.

You're probably wondering what a handsome devil like me is doing in a place like this with you, right?

TRISH: Oh, Ash. How can I ever thank you?

ASH: Well, have you ever seen a little movie called Deep Throat?

You shut up or you're gonna suffer premature teeth loss.

I hate to break it to you big guy . . . You've got harpies.

Well it's been fun, as far as near-death experiences go.

Gadzooks! If I were a woman, I'd kiss myself.

Hey big boy, is that a baguette in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

You know, there's nothing like the sweet smell of a domesticated woman, and I mean that in the most respectful way.

These guys are trying to make me the fall guy. Everybody's screaming for blood and all of a sudden I'm it.

So there I was, one man gazing into six blinking eyes and three pairs of pouty lips. I was so hot my hoagie fell into a plate of their special sauce.

Yes, well, my stuntmen have arrived. Excuse me, I've got to go . . . rehearse.

Distracts me? Beautiful woman lying naked in a bathtub? He he he he . . . Where was I?

CLEOPATRA: Are you firm yet, Autolycus?

AUTOLYCUS: I don't know. I haven't seen your bottom line.

Such is an actor's life. We must ride the waves of every film, barfing occasionally, yet maintain our dignity, even as the bulk of our Herculean efforts are keel-hauled before our very eyes.

I like Ash because I like having a main character, particularly with the second two movies, that a studio would never approve of. I mean my character in Army of Darkness, the last of the three, is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and yet he's your hero. He's a braggert and he's a fool.

The bad guys always have the better roles and the good guys suck because they don't know what to do with a good guy. They can't give him any personality.