Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.
In the words of Brad Pitt. . .


Movie Quotes:

Fight Club

I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war, our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

TYLER: Did you know that if you mix equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?

NARRATOR: No, I did not know that; is that true?

TYLER: That's right. One could make all kinds of explosives, using simple household items.

NARRATOR: Really?

TYLER: If one were so inclined.

You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you. This is not the worst thing that can happen.

NARRATOR: So when the snoody cat, and the courageous dog, with the celebrity voices meet for the first time in reel three, that's when you'll catch a flash of Tyler's contribution to the film. Nobody knows that they saw it, but they did . . .

TYLER: A nice, big cock.

Legends of the Fall

TRISTAN: Samuel, God bless you. You are good at everything you try to do. I'm sure it'll be the same with fucking.

SAMUEL: Tristan, really. We're talking about my future wife.

TRISTAN: Oh, you're not gonna fuck her?

SAMUEL: No! I'm planning to be with her.

TRISTAN: I recommend fucking.

SAMUEL: You're impossible!

TRISTAN: You brought it up!

Miss Finncannon, it's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you and ugly here find every happiness together.

Meet Joe Black

Careful, Bill, you'll give yourself a heart attack and ruin my vacation.

Should you choose to test my resolve in this matter, you will be facing a finality beyond your comprehension, and you will not be counting days, or months, or years, but milleniums in a place with no doors.

BILL: Do you know about money?

JOE: It can't buy happiness?

Ocean's Eleven

DANNY: Phil Torenteen. . .

RUSTY: Dead.

DANNY: No kidding. On the job?

RUSTY: Skin cancer.

DANNY: Send flowers?

RUSTY: Dated his wife for a while

RUST: You scared?

LINUS: You suicidal?

RUSTY: Only in the morning.

Se7en

Fuckin' Dante! Poetry-writing faggot! Piece of shit, motherfucker!

C'mon, he's insane. Look. Right now he's probably dancing around in his grandma's panties, yeah, rubbing himself in peanut butter.

I've been trying to figure something in my head, and maybe you can help me out, yeah? When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you're insane? Maybe you're just sitting around, reading "Guns and Ammo", masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, "Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!" Do you guys do that?

He's a nut-bag! Just because the fucker's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda!

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas

She couldn't see the bird? Everyone else saw it. It's as big as the freaking ship! Marina? Marina is looking the other way.

Whoa! Put a shirt on before you poke someone's eye out!

KALE: Fiji?

SINBAD: Think of the beaches!

KALE: Beautiful - if you like mosquitoes.

SINBAD: Think of the sun!

KALE: It's monsoon season!

SINBAD: The women, then!

KALE: They're cannibals there.

SINBAD: Exactly!

KALE: What happened down there?

SINBAD: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

KALE: Try me.

SINBAD: Okay, here goes. So I meet Eris, the goddess of discord? She's got a major crush on me, and she invited me back to her place.

Snatch.

Why the fuck do I want a caravan that's got no fuckin' wheels?

Save your breath for cooling your porridge.

She's terribly partial to perriwinkle blue.

Spy Game

NATHAN: Where did you learn to shoot?

TOM: Boy Scouts, sir.

TOM: Happy?

NATHAN: Seventy-five casualties, an apartment block leveled, one dead terrorist? Yeah, happy.

TOM: We have some fucked up barometer for success, don't we?

Twelve Monkeys

There was this guy, and he was always requesting shows that had already played. Yes. No. You have to tell her before. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that the charge nurse couldn't make it be yesterday. She couldn't turn back time, thank you, Einstein! Now, he was nuts! He was a fruitcake, Jim!

Telephone call? Telephone call? That's communication with the outside world. Doctor's discretion. Nuh-uh. Look, hey - all of these nuts could just make phone calls, they could spread insanity, oozing through telephone cables, oozing into the ears of all these poor sane people, infecting them. Wackos everywhere, plague of madness.

JEFFREY: You know what crazy is? Crazy is majority rules. Take germs for example.

JIM: Germs?

JEFFREY: Uh-huh. Eighteenth century, no such thing, nada, nothing. No one ever imagined such a thing. No sane person. Along comes this doctor, uh, Semmelweis, Semmelweis. Semmelweis comes along. He's trying to convince people, other doctors mainly, that's there's these teeny tiny invisible bad things called germs that get into your body and make you sick. He's trying to get doctors to wash their hands. What is this guy? Crazy? Teeny, tiny, invisible? What do they call it? Uh-uh, germs? Huh? What? Now, up to the 20th century, last week, as a matter of fact, before I got dragged into this hellhole. I go in to order a burger at this fast food joint, and the guy drops it on the floor. James, he picks it up, he wipes it off, he hands it to me like it's all OK. "What about the germs?" I say. He says, "I don't believe in germs. Germs is a plot made up so they could sell disinfectants and soaps." Now he's crazy, right?

You dumb assholes, I'm a mental patient, I'm supposed to act out!

You are a total nutcase, completely deranged, delusional, paranoid. Your thought process is all fucked up. Your information train is jammed, man!


Personal Quotes:

You shouldn't speak until you know what you're talking about. That's why I get uncomfortable with interviews. Reporters ask me what I feel China should do about Tibet. Who cares what I think China should do? I'm a fucking actor! They hand me a script. I act. I'm here for entertainment, basically, when you whittle everything away. I'm a grown man who puts on makeup.

I'm gonna design my own fleet of trailers. No! I'm gonna record an album like Jennifer Lopez. It'll be an acoustic version of K.C. and the Sunshine Band. Then maybe I'll design a line of clothes like Puff Daddy, but all in synthetic fur.

Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed.

Fame is a bitch, man.



More Brad

Back to main