Don't Look Back in Anger

By Murasakisuishou [Murasakisuishou@yahoo.com]

~*~

From where Subaru stood, Tokyo was nothing but scattered lights 
blooming upon the field of night. Time to time, the wind would carry the 
echo of car horns, but otherwise it was still. He could easily imagine that 
the whole of the city had gone the way of Ikebukuro, and that he was one 
of the few who'd lived. Or died, even, just a ghost dreaming of what had 
been. Either way, to Subaru it didn't matter. 

He'd slipped away from the safety of Clamp Academy some hours past, 
his departure marked only by Kamui, who of late hovered about him like a 
memory. He'd warned him of leaving, of the risks, but it was for those 
risks that Subaru dared go. It was worth that much to him just to have a 
glimpse of Seishirou. For that one chance, he would have stayed out until 
sunrise, so much did he yearn for him. 

Remembering, Subaru turned towards Nakano, picturing the rooftop 
where he'd last met with him. He closed his eyes as if wanting to freeze 
that image in his mind, lifting his face to catch a stray puff of cold air. 
With it came a snatch of clear laughter, and he opened his eyes again, half 
expecting to find himself in company. But the void was ever shimmering 
with emptiness

And yet...he could feel the creeping of awareness over his nape. The 
rooftop looked
lonely, but he was not the only one there. Drawing one last breath of the 
cigarette he held, Subaru dropped it to the concrete path, crushing it as he 
stepped forward. 

"Show yourself." 

Another ghost of a laugh shivered on the air, 
and the shadows by the fenced wall gradually receded to bare an all-too-
familiar face; the glow of a smoldering cigarette tip.

"Have you missed me so much?" asked Seishirou with a glint of a smile. 

"I could ask you the same, since you are here

A cloud of smoke momentarily wreathed Seishirou's face. "I saw you were 
in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by for a friendly chat

"Except we aren't friends anymore

"Hm. Still thinking of your sister, are you?" 

With a glare, Subaru turned away. "What do you want?"

"An answer to a question." 

"What sort of a question?" 

Seishirou paused, and Subaru could hear the crunch of his dying cigarette 
beneath his foot. "That's a secret." 

At that, Subaru turned to face him, an ofuda now stiff and faintly glowing 
between his fingers. "Tell me." 

Seishirou paused his advance briefly, eyeing him. "Such bad manners," he 
said at last, resuming his meandering walk towards Subaru. "I didn't come 
here to fight. I merely want to talk." 

"Whatever it is you want to say, you can tell me from there." 

"But other ears may hear. And, as I told you, it is a secret." 

Just a foot away from him, Seishirou came to a stop, watching him ever 
gently until Subaru warily lowered the ofuda to his side, drawing away the 
power he'd suffused it with. 

"Good," said Seishirou happily, and 
with that, he lunged forward and caught Subaru easily by the wrist, 
dragging him forward until their faces were separated by mere inches. 
Seishirou closed the gap suddenly with a kiss, and Subaru, not quite as 
eagerly, shoved him away. Stumbling a few steps backward, he raised his 
gloved fingers wonderingly to his lips, staring at him in astonishment, then 
in outrage. 

"Don't!" 

Seishirou laughed again, mocking him. "Then tell me no. Tell me to 
leave." 

"Leave," Subaru said, but his voice was unsteady; possessing no command 
in its tone, and so Seishirou advanced without pause. Subaru charged the 
ofuda he still held, throwing it, but Seishirou deflected it with one of his 
own. Through the insubstantial veil of the resulting smoke, Seishirou once 
more pulled Subaru into his arms. 

"I knew you didn't mean it

He kissed him again, more lingeringly, deeper, until he felt Subaru relent 
in his embrace. He pulled away to find tears struggling from the corners of 
the younger man's closed eyes. 

"Seishirou," he whispered, anguished. 

Seishirou licked away the tear tracks that lined his cheeks. Subaru opened 
his eyes, and saw him clearly in the nodding moonlight then, the face of 
his old friend only, no malice shining within. He only looked thoughtful. 

"That takes me back," said Seishirou, running a fingertip down Subaru's 
throat until skin gave way to the cotton of his baggy white T-shirt; it didn't 
stop until it had reached the center of his chest. "Brings back so many 
memories..."

"What does this have to do with your question?" 

"You never thought us being together like this?" Seishirou murmured. "I 
have. Many times."

"We're enemies now." 

"We were enemies before. You just didn't remember."  

Again, Seishirou kissed him, and then he spun him suddenly around and 
shoved him against the gate. Subaru half-turned, ready to throw another 
ofuda, but Seishirou was too quick for him. Grabbing him by the back of 
the neck, Seishirou forced him forward, pinning him so that Subaru had to 
cling to the gate to brace himself. 

"Don't worry," Seishirou purred as he unfastened Subaru's fly. "I'll be 
quick." 

"I don't want this! Let me go!" 

"You had plenty of chances to escape. Now shhh..."

Subaru's jeans slumped to his ankles, revealing him fully to Seishirou's 
roaming hand. He'd taken the glove off to explore him, fondling his thighs, 
the shadowed, downy divide between. He cradled his balls in his palm as 
carefully as if weighing them, then tickled the base of his cock. 

"Mmm...I thought you didn't want this," said Seishirou, running a thumb 
along the underside of Subaru's sex. 

"I don't." Subaru gasped, the gate rattling in his grip as Seishirou's hand 
closed fully around him. 

"Are you afraid?" This asked with a light caress of the hard length he 
cradled. Subaru rested his head on the fence, just catching the slow rise 
and fall of Seishirou's warm hand beneath the billowing hem of his T-
shirt. 

"I didn't want it to be like this." 

"But this is all we have, Subaru. 
This moment." 

All that came in response was the clicking of the links in their frame; a 
faint moan followed on the breath of a sigh. Seishirou wasn't being quite 
so gentle with him now, squeezing just a little as he tunneled his cock; the 
moisture he gathered from Subaru's tip made each pass that much easier, 
though, that much more enjoyable. Subaru began to shift his hips in time 
with the movement of Seishirou's hand, rubbing his naked ass against the 
older man's groin, arousing him even more. 

"Do you think of me when you touch yourself, Subaru?" came his soft 
query. 

"Does...it matter?"

"Everything about you matters," came the rejoinder, a sleekly gloved 
finger dipping between his buttocks. "You were almost my love." 

He touched him briefly, probing him there hard enough to make him cry 
out, and then that creeping finger drummed away over his taut flesh. The 
swinging folds of Seishirou's black trench brushed Subaru's thighs, and 
before he could fully register what was about to happen, Seishirou entered 
him, taking no care. Biting his lips hard to hold back his pain, Subaru felt 
the prickle of blood rising from the tears in his tender flesh

"Tsk," panted Seishirou softly. "I had no idea you were a virgin. How 
honored I am."

He bit Subaru then, teeth meeting with the side of his neck hard enough to 
bruise him there; his tongue followed, sweeping something like a kiss over 
the new-formed wound. Seishirou murmured soothing nonsense in 
Subaru's ear, underscoring the half-sobbed curses and moans that came 
with every thrust, every stroke of his sex, until Seishirou too lost the 
ability to speak. Too lost in the moment they had. 

Neither cried out when that moment ended, but clung to the fence, their 
hands joined amongst the rusted links. Subaru's semen dripped from the 
fence, dampened the hem of his T-shirt, and gleamed wetly upon 
Seishirou's fingers. He held one up and painted a line along the boy's 
lower lip, before gingerly tasting of it. 

"My souvenir," he said, smiling. "I shall leave one for you." 

Only then did he leave him finally, daintily wiping the blood off his cock 
with the edge of Subaru's T-shirt. The splotch bloomed richly like an 
orchid upon the white, and Subaru crumpled against the fence like a 
withered stalk, too drained to think about his current state. The fence 
rocked momentarily with Seishirou's weight, and there they lounged, 
recovering. Subaru heard the snap of a lighter, and he opened his eyes, 
turning so he could just make out the man's dark form. Seishirou moved 
away from his side, then, his back to the boy. 

"Why, Subaru?" he asked at last, smoke clouding forth with the words. 

"Would it make you happy?" asked Subaru, observing him out of the 
corners of his eyes. "Would it make a difference if I told you?" 

With another deep drag of his cigarette, Seishirou answered, shrugging 
one shoulder, "Perhaps." 

"Then...it's
because...I love you." 

A long pause unraveled between them, and Seishirou withdrew, leaving 
Subaru's remark unanswered. He heard the rustle of his clothing as he 
rearranged his garb, and Subaru, suddenly ashamed, stiffly bent to pull his 
own fallen jeans up from around his ankles. When he looked up again, his 
eyes were once more wet with tears. Seishirou stood before him, again 
watching him with that same stunned look. 

"I didn't believe Fuuma was telling the truth." 

"What? Who--? 
Seishirou!" 

But Seishirou was already dissolving into a whirling shower of sakura 
petals, expression still oddly solemn. Subaru's attempt to catch him 
resulted only in his filling his hands with the fragile pink blooms.

~*~

Owari