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Phoney Sex


Duo scratched his head, looking at the notes. " That's all we gotta do? Ok!" He said cheerfully.

Quatre stood beside him blushing to his roots, Heero looked like he was about to go off and kill someone. Trowa read the paper indifferently, and Wufei looked like he was about to explode with a suppressed justice rant.

" A-are you sure this is right Duo?" Quatre whispered.

Duo nodded and bounced over to one of the booths set up and slapped on a headset. " Yep! Now lets go!"

Still blushing Quatre walked over to the booth beside Duo and sat down putting on the headset.

Heero took a deep breath, and set his face in a determined scowl, as he marched to a booth beside Duo and set up the headphone.

Trowa looked at everyone and then took the booth next to a STILL blushing Quatre.

Seeing nothing left Wufei took the last booth, and with a resigned sigh he put on his headphones.

That's when Duo's phone rang for the first time....



Blinking at the little flashing light Duo pressed down the button and adopting his deepest most sexy voice he whispered into the set. " Hello this is Aaron your personal little sex god of love...are you my master or my slave?" He asked reading from the paper.

A young man stuttered on the line. " I-I-I-"

Putting down the paper Duo smiled wickedly. " Ohhh the shy type...relax baby I don't bite...hard...well unless you want me too.."

" U-u-ummm."

" Ohhh so tell me stud what do you want?"

" I-I-I..."


Meanwhile in Heero's booth

Heero glowered at the blinking light, then finally pressed the button. " Hello this is Johnathan what do you want." He snapped.

" Ohh the forceful kind I li-"

" Look shutup and get started now."

" What no sexy talk? Aw come on baby! Aren't you going to warm me up first?"

" How about if I come hunt you down and shove my gun down your throat would that be warm enough for you?"

" Umm..."

" Don't talk get to work. Now!"

" But-"

" I said now!"

" EEP! Yes!"

" Yes what?!" Heero growled into the headset.

" Yes sir master sir!"

Heero smirked. " That's what I thought you said. Faster!"

" But-"

" You question an order? I said faster. I want you to do it faster! Or else."

" EEP Yes sir!" A small sob could be heard in the poor man's voice.

" Are you crying?!"

" N-n-no...." The man said choking back a sob.

" I said are you crying? Don't lie to me boy! I'll make you very very sorry if I find out you were lying to me?! Understand?!" Heero growled again.

" Y-yes sir...please don't hurt me...I-I just wanted-"

" I don't care what you want! You only want what I say you want from now on got that?!"

The man broke down into tears on the phone. " Please..."

" Quit your bitchin you pathetic excuse for a man! Now on your knees and give yourself 30 lashes now!"


Meanwhile in Quatre's booth...

Quatre pressed the flashing light reluctantly.

" H-hello this Billy what can I do for you?" Quatre asked biting his lip.

" Ohhh you sound like you got a perty mouth dere Billy. Do ya have a perty mouth?"

" Um...yes?" Quatre replied.

" Ohhh I likes em with perty you have perty feet too Billy?"

Quatre paled. " Y-yes I have pretty feet..."

" Mmmm I like perty feet. Tell me darlin' do ya like it when people play wit yer toes?"

" ...Yeah...I-I guess I do..."

" Ohhh ya know what I wanna do to dem perty feet of yers?"

" No...why don't you tell me..."

The man seemed encouraged. " Well first I wanna cover em in mayonase and then lick em clean making sure ta pass my tongue inbetween dem cute lil toes of yers so I get it all...Oh yeah...what do ya think of that darlin'?-"

Quatre turned green. " T-that's interesting..."


Meanwhile in Trowa's booth...

Trowa pressed the flashing button. " This is Lucien, how may I fulfull your desires?" He monotone chilled to 30 degrees below zero.

"...Um hey...this is the Ronny's hot sex line right?" The man said unsure.


" Oh." The man didn't sound very comfortable... " Well're new aren't you?"


The man took a deep breath. " Are you gonna start talking sexy or what?"

Trowa remained silent shifting through the notes. " What do you want me to do?" He monotone...still.

" Um...anything you want..."

" ..."

" Hello?"

" It's not about what I want. It's what you want. I'm here to serve you. Baby." He read from the notes.

" Um...ok could you try...something....anything!"

"...Ok. Ooh baby. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Yes right there. You are so good. I love it when you touch me there. Ooh ah ooh."

" Woah man you aren't turning me on here, you're scaring me..."

" Oh yes. You know what I like. More. More. More. Mm. Mm. Good. How did you get so big. Wow. You are wonderful..."

" Ok stop now..."

" Please baby please give me more. "

" Gah! Stop man I'm scared that's enough!"

"...I didn't finish the list yet."

" No more!"

" are you done?"


Meanwhile in Wufei's booth.

" Injustice! What kind of stupid name did they give me?!"

His phone lit up then, drawing a deep breath he closed his eyes and pushed the button. " Hello this is..." With a sigh Wufei reluctantly used the name they gave him. " Asia. What can I do for you?"

There was a long pause on the other end.

" What?"

" Dragon?"

Wufei froze. " T-Treize? I mean who are you?"

" It is you Dragon!"

Wufei cursed under his breath.

" What in the world are you doing at a phone sex company?"

"What are you doing calling one?" He snapped back.

Treize sighed. " Well this must be my lucky dirty to me dragon."

Wufei could feel his face burning red. " Treize!" He hissed.

" Oh come on Dragon I'm paying 2.50 a minute for this give me my money's worth...So are you wearing panties?"

" What! Dishonorable cur!"

" Oh I like it when you get riled Dragon...tell me what they look like are the-"

" Treize!"

" Zechs you must come listen in the Dragon works at Ronny's now."

" Really?"

Wufei groaned it was going to be a long night..."

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