Nataku's Tears

I don’t believe I can understand how the others can fight with such assurance. Deep inside I am too unsure of what I want. I strive only to defeat the leader of Oz for it is the one thing I believe I can do. I am selfish this way, for I do not even consider the colonies.

I do not fight for them anymore. I wish only to defeat Trieze to prove that I am the stronger. I am in the right. He is in the wrong. I must prove it. I must because all those others must think that I am a fool, that I am insane. Let the fools think that… I will prove that I am one of the few keeping their heads in this space. I am one of the few still standing.

In between the colonies Nataku and I can float alone, in peace. Our home is gone and we are the survivors. There will no longer be a colony L5. They have long since destroyed the few other sub-colonies that had been abandoned.

Our history will fade…

And after the war, legends of the great gundams will also vanish. We will never have existed. It’s ironic, I guess, to think that someday this huge war will disappear from people’s minds and they will never know what we were doing. Future generations will forget our cause, what we fought for. Names of Heero Yuy – the past colony leader and the gundam pilot – will be smeared names in the backs of crumbling textbooks. My name shall be written down with little thought as to who it actually was.

No one will know who we were. My Nataku – my Meiran – is not even known now. She lives within this gundam that they call, so coldly, 05, Shenlong, Altron. I could never destroy her. My partner for eternity… she must not be killed. She must live and thrive. She cannot die.

She and I, we float endlessly in the star-spilled sky. The gems sparkle in the black ink like tears hanging in suspension. The universe holds back her tears but as the men continue to fall, so do her tears. One by one they drop… even now I can see a shower of stars falling down. Tears brimming over.

She used to ask me what I thought of shooting stars. Being the scholar I was, I told her the make of them and what causes them – as has been researched for science. She’d glare at me and push me over saying that I knew nothing of the real world and that I should look at them.

We floated in space and watched silently as stars slowly streaked across the black night. In hushed tones she told me of the lives that had ended, and that that was why the stars were falling. The tears of space were falling. I can vaguely remember remaining silent and solemn, my hair obscuring my vision. When the next star fell before me, I saw it as liquid stroking painfully slow across a soft cheek.

My eyes drift back to the debris just off to the side. Destruction of my home still remains. No one will ever recall that there were colonies beyond L4. No one will believe it. After all, whoever bothered with L5? We were nothing… weaklings that could not be used so had to be thrown out. But I am different! Nataku and I are different! We can fight. We can obtain what our clan-brothers could not. We will live to fight against these evils that attack. And we will win.

I’ll make sure to that. Even if these fools that we are supposed to be fighting for forget us… we’ll win. We’ll win so that generations to come can feed off of their freedom and grow ignorant of wars and times of violence. Then we will sit off to the sides and laugh bitterly as they all scramble to learn to fight again as a threat arises.

Humanity is a fool. Humans cannot admit weakness and will always believe that they are the rulers of everything. What poor fools they’ll be when the earth tears them apart and rips them to pieces, showing just how minor they are. I sometimes wonder if Operation Meteor should have gone through. L5 is destroyed now as result of the new plan anyhow, what would it have mattered had it perished along with sections of the Earth?

Earth… the green grasses and rolling hills… oceans full of life… But all of that would have died, along with billions of people. We could not have done that. Could we? All I know is that if we had, we would have been able to show humanity what ignorant fools look like. That the fools are themselves…

It is Fate’s decision that they will never learn. No one will ever understand. And that is why I refuse to fight for them. I will fight to gain my own strength, so that I may defeat Trieze. I know deep down that I cannot. I am too weak, just as everyone else is. But even to die by his sword would be okay. He is a man that may one day understand. He might be able to make people realize.

I cannot understand why I wish to kill him if this is my belief. I hate him… loathe him… I just cannot stand him. His arrogance is sickening and his skill is too high. He far surpasses me. More so than his lackey Zechs Merquise; or Trowa Barton or Heero Yuy. They could still lose to me. But him… Trieze, I cannot defeat yet.

Nataku, may you grant your strength to me again. I must defeat him. I must win my own battle to prove that I am and that I will live.

Lend me your strength and your heart. With your help I know I can survive this. I am more than a gundam pilot. I am more than what anyone thinks. I have the strength. I will fight because the weak are foolish in their attempts. I will fight because I can win. I will and I am.