I Know
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Title: I Know
Author: Karasu Kizu
Written: June 17, 2000
Rating: PG
Warnings: very mild shonen-ai (seems more like friendship), songfic, vidfic
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and the lyrics belongs to others, of whom I am not a part of.
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You've got such a pretty smile
[Heero watches Duo from the corner of his eye while he types. The American laughing at something Quatre has said and the Arab is blushing furiously. Duo just grins in reply and turns to tease Trowa, who is sitting off to the side and reading a newspaper. Heero mentally chides himself for paying attention to the antics of his fellow pilot; but just before he focuses again on typing he risks another chance at the American's gorgeous smile.]
It's a shame, the things you're hiding behind it
[Duo rubs the cross on the necklace he always wears and frowns slightly as he gets lost in the past. Heero casts him an odd look and the American smiles instantly for a cover-up. He jokes about one thing or another but the Japanese pilot dismisses the comments, knowing them to be false and giving Duo time to recover himself. As Heero is forced back to the mission plans he wonders what exactly Duo hides behind the cheerful jester mask full of smiles and laughs.]
Let 'em go; give it up for a while
Let 'em free and we will both go find it
[A mouth opens in a silent scream as the dreamer awakens to a dark room. The lights are flipped on to dimly shed a soft glow unto the room. Duo sits shivering and sweaty on his bed. He hugs himself to assure that it was only a dream before rubbing the ever-present cross for comfort. He sighs and leans back against the headboard and looks across the room. Heero stirs and rolls over to peer at his roommate who is sitting, silent for once, on the other bed and looking like he saw a ghost.
[Heero asks if Duo is okay and is replied with a 'yes'. Frowning lightly, Heero sits and tells Duo to quit lying. Duo blinks and stares at Heero in surprise.]
I know there's nowhere you can hide it
I know the feeling of "alone"
I know that you do not feel invited
[Duo answers that he shouldn't burden Heero with his troubles and turns to settle for some more sleep. Heero begins to look upset and moves out of his bed to sit next to Duo.
["You're making it worse keeping it to yourself," Heero points out. "You're always talking so what's the problem talking about this now?"
["It's completely different," Duo replies, turning to look up at Heero. "That talking is for the part of me that isn't alone. This talk is for the part of me that will always be alone." He smiles sadly at Heero and waves him away. "We're all alone at one point or another. I think all of us piloting the gundams have been alone on our own for much too long and now will always be partly alone."]
But come back, come back in from the cold
["Then why not tell me?" Heero demands, standing.
["My alone will be different," Duo answers, getting out of bed and standing face-to-face with Heero.
[The two face one another with emotions flickering behind mirroring eyes. Finally Heero questions, "Do we always have to be alone?"
[Duo bows his head and seems to lose strength. His muscles grow limp as he looks sadly at his fellow pilot. "I dunno, I sure hope not."
["You won't leave me alone?"
[Duo shakes his head and wraps his arms about Heero comfortingly. "No, never. You won't leave me alone either, promise? Don't break it..." Heero returns the promise and the embrace.]
Step away then, from the edge
Your best friend in life is not your mirror
[In the middle of a battle, Wing lifts off from the ground to attack from above. A Taurus MS shoots at the gundam and hits the boosters attached to the back of Wing. As the suit begins to fall Deathscythe spins around to keep Wing from crashing into the ocean. With the help of Deathscythe, Wing is brought back to the harbor on land and joins the attack once again.]
[After the battle Duo rushes to Heero and hugs him tightly telling him not to give him such a scare again. The Japanese pilot is surprised and stands still as the American reassures himself aloud that the Wing pilot is okay. "You know I'm always your friend... remember not to leave me..." Duo whispers as a reminder. Heero remains silent and finally returns the embrace.]
Back away, come back away, come back away
Come back away, come back away, come back away
I am here, and I will be, forever and ever
[The five gundam pilots sit about a tiny, apartment living room and talk about plans for the future if they even survive the war. Some things are far-fetched while others seem reasonable. Duo requests everyone to keep in touch if the war ever finishes and if they split up. The pact is made and they promise to be there for one another until Death parts them.]
And I...
I know there's nowhere you can hide it
I know the feeling of "alone"
[Duo walks slowly a meter or two behind the others as they pass through a worn-down colony. The buildings are mostly cracking and crumbling while street vendors try to get money for anything they scavenge. In the shadows are pale, thin faces of people young and old alike as they watch those passing by. Some reach for the larger pockets full of cash while others just look longingly. Duo pauses and watches as a group of three children rush by with full arms and flushed faces. The shopkeeper runs behind them but Duo blocks the way and asks for how much they stole. The man is surprised and looks the young boy over. Frowning in recognition the man demands how Duo would have money to pay and why he was even stepping in. Duo replies, "I know what they feel like. I have the money, will you accept it?"
[The four pilots finally realize that their talkative friend is not with them and turn around just in time to glimpse Duo waving off a shopkeeper and looking after three children waving in thanks at him.]
Trust me, and don't keep that on the inside
Soon you, you'll be locked out on your own
[As the five pass down more streets and walkways, Duo becomes quieter until he's no longer talking. Quatre worries a lip between his teeth as he continues to look for the hotel where they are to stay and keep up some conversation at the same time. Heero watches Duo carefully from the corner of his eye and wonders what is wrong with Duo. Suddenly they come to the edge of a mostly torn and burned block. Duo halts and refuses to move on for a while. The others shrug and start to go on when Duo asks them to wait. Confused, they oblige and watch as Duo makes his way down the burned block and to the ruins of stained glass and bricks and pews. Wufei comments on it being the remains of a church. Duo slowly and shakily makes his way to the broken statue that once stood in the front of a grand church. He goes on his knees and bows his head, saying. "The Maxwell Church, also an orphanage; burned AC 188..."
["Oh my..." Quatre murmurs, looking at the ruins with a pained statement. "How many survivors...?"
[Duo turns his head up slowly to look where a ceiling should have been. He stands and turns to them. "You're looking at 'im."]
You're not alone
You're not alone
And don't say you've never been told
[Heero's silent while the others take in the news with shock. He too is stunned, but doesn't show it as much, having an idea that the church had some importance in Duo's life. The American sighs and picks his way through more ruins to an area where the remains of old, dead flowers lay. He bends down to touch the wrinkled rose, which wilts and falls to the ground at his touch. He closes his eyes sadly and whispers an apology to Sister Helen for not keeping the flowers, the only tribute to mark the horrible occurrence.
[Warmth reaches Duo's back and he turns to look up at the cobalt eyes boring down at him. Duo remains silent and Heero kneels down beside him and embraces him for comfort. Duo leans against him and for the first time in seven years, he lets himself cry.]
I'll be with you 'til we grow old,
'Til I'm ever grown and I'm cold,
[As they leave the ruins of the church, Duo and Heero lag behind with their hands entwined. Again they promise not to leave the other. Duo thanks Heero and slowly the Japanese boy replies. ]
And the son of yours has grown
I'll be with you 'til we're both gone
Like dawn, you can't always come home
[The end of the war announcements are made and people celebrate privately. The gundam pilots say farewell to one another and promise to meet up when they must destroy their gundams within the next year. As they split up Duo welcomes Heero to share a place with him on one of the colony. Hesitantly, Heero accepts.]
[Together the boys learn to enjoy life for what it is. They go to the park to play basketball with the high school students hanging out after school. Duo invites Heero to go clubbing and finds that both rather enjoy doing so and make it a point to go clubbing at least once a week. They keep up frequently with Trowa and Quatre, as promised, and had Wufei stay with them for a while. Amazingly enough they managed to stay hidden away from Relena's reaches and didn't have to deal with her intervening personally; they still had to deal with her e-mails.
[Slowly Heero becomes used to smiling in response to Duo or laughing as a reaction to a joke told. Duo eased up and soon gave way to true smiles instead of those forced by a mask. Together the two sit with the sunset before them and they stare into the distance.
[Fade out.]
{Owari}
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©2001 by Karasu Kizu. Please do not remove without permission.
