Damn You
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Title: Damn You
Author: Genji
Pairing: 1+2, 1+R (sorta)
Part: 1/2
Warnings: Confusion, Shoenen-ai, weirdness...OOC?
Disclaimer: The story is mine, the characters are not...unless
someone wants to give me rights to Gundam Wing and then there'd be
bish for everybody! Of course, someone up there told them of my
sanity problem, so no bish for me...*pouts*
Heero's POV
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I used to be so sure of myself. I used to be told when everything
was going to happen, where and how. I used to have an inkling about
what was occurring--so damn sure of where I was going. But I don't
have a clue any more.
You came and confused me, leading me from my solitary ways. You
taught me that there was something outside of the mission, something
outside of the mandatory schooling and battles.
You made me think of things that I didn't know existed, you forced me
to see the other sides of the issues, and once I had done that I
couldn't go back to my solitary self. You drew me out of my shell
and then destroyed it. Now I have nowhere to go, and I don't know
what to do.
Questions that shouldn't even be thought of drift through my head,
mixing in with the standard fare of 'When is the next mission?'
and 'What is the quickest way to repair Wing?' Now it's 'What's for
lunch?' and 'Will I ever see the others after the war is over?'
You got me thinking that this might end.
Damn you.
You've got me wondering about feelings that have no place in the body
of a soldier. You ran me around in circles and then left me chasing
my tail. I don't know which way is up and which is down. Is ZERO a
number or a system? Should I or should I not pay attention to
anyone's advances? Yours or Relena's...I don't know. Before there
was only one way to go--only one ending to this saga: oy meets girl,
boy looses girl, boy gets girl back, everyone is happy.
But would I be happy?
Honestly, the thought has never really crossed my mind. I have yet
to attain that emotion.
Before, my future was more or less set out for me in a straight
line. Now I don't know if I want to kill you or keep you. I don't know if I should continue down that line, which has
now started to twist and turn back in on itself.
I don't know what to do and I don't like it.
Everything is either right or wrong. Do right and you're one step
closer to the end, do wrong and you go back to the beginning. Just
like we did when all those Alliance pacifists were annihilated--by my
doing.
I'm told it's not my fault, but I know differently. It is, but even
then I knew how to atone for my misdeeds. There was something that I
could do. There was no question for one moment.
Who do I kill and who do I keep?
You add your chaos to my order and disregard my meticulous battle
plans. You'll do it your own damn way.
Sometimes I want to just wrap my arms around you...
...and strangle you....
Damn you, Duo.
Before there were never any questions, it was always r+h=end of
story. There was no other equation. But you throw me a parabola,
and I'm back where I started. Does hy-rp=hy+dm? Or does hy+dm result in
an empty set undefined by any amount of substitution?
Damn you.
Go confuse someone else...
...wait, come back...
~owari~
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© 2001 by Genji. Please do not remove without permission.
